Student Starts Nonprofit After Doing 3 Hours of Service at The Big Event

The Big Event, known only for being really large, has inspired the students of FSU, TCC and FAMU to give back to their community. Like the Hunger Games, organizations and selfless citizens are assigned to a community project with the task of creating long-lasting change in the world in a whopping three hour time-period. Who dies and who lives in these fated hours is all part of the fun! Students are challenged to tasks as simple as organizing books in a comfortable, air conditioned building to proving how much they actually care about community service through back-breaking labor out in the scorching heat. Nonetheless, everyone learns valuable lessons and many have been moved by all the work they’ve done.

“Now, it may be all these blistering rashes caused by poison ivy, but I’ve been plagued by a chronic itch to give back!” proclaimed Ramona Bush as she frantically checked WebMD for DIY medical creams. “It would have been nice for the Big Event to, at the absolute minimum, mention the presence of poison ivy. But I can’t complain - I did this for a good cause! I’m really helping people out here. I get to feel great about pulling weeds in the sun while the owners of the garden drink ice-cold soda and watch my friends and I do menial labor. My wellbeing is irrelevant if I voluntarily agree to help someone else. I mean, they even provided us with worn gloves and Walmart rakes which is pretty generous, right? Right?”

“All this spontaneous service has changed my life. Those whole three hours were so special, so life-changing, that I went and made a non-profit called ‘Hit and Serve,’ dedicated to helping public institutions around Tallahassee for only three minutes at a time,” said service organization start-up CEO Marcus Zucks during a presentation. “We borrowing the Big Event’s brilliant ideology on providing minimal, temporary aid to those in need with no consideration for further development. In fact, we pride ourselves on matching our time spent helping our clients with the average time we last in bed. The Notion of 'implementing an organized a plan of action' is bullshit. We’re Americans. The long term is for socialists and hippies!”

Hit and Serve has since accumulated incredible support and pledged to increase their time helping charities by a full minute if they reach a billion supporters. They plan to expand across the country, impressing everyone with their dedication to mediocrity and minimal effort. Sister organizations like “Penny Donations, Million Dollar Embezzlements” and “Social Media Pictures Next to the Less Fortunate: A Charity for Your Instagram” are in the works and the hashtag “#formyresume” has been trending. All in all, this past weekend was a BIG success for the Big Event that made big amounts of people feel big-happy with themselves!

The Eggplant FSU