Amount Raised for Dance Marathon Revealed to Be Less Than Cost to Rent Civic Center
After months of preparation and fundraising, Dance Marathon at FSU finally reached the end of its weekend of dancing and gong smashing for $2.2 million, which, as a lotto jackpot would leave you wanting more, but it's definitely enough to save some sick children. If anyone notices campus being much quieter than usual, it's because hundreds of students are sleep deprived and tired from being forced to stand for 20 hours. While hundreds of participants broke into an uproar after seeing Dance Marathon breaking its amount raised last year by a literal .1, Dance Marathon at FSU's Finance Director, Franklin Cooper, stood by waiting to give the rest of the executive board some shocking news: the amount raised was a singular dollar shy of what it cost to rent the Civic Center out for three entire glitter and caffeine-infused days.
“I’ve been running the numbers while everyone line danced for 13 hours straight and it looks like we're not going to be able to foot the bill for this space,” said Cooper as he proceeded to shotgun a can of Java Monster Energy and snort a gram of glitter to keep him alert while calculating how many spontaneous in-event fundraisers could offset the rental fee. "Our spending on paper balloon decorations, comma club t-shirts and ornately decorated clipboards pushed us way over budget, so I don’t know how we’re going to pay the Civic Center. I feel bad for these kids because they really deserve that big check, but I don't think it's going to happen this year. I’m not letting anyone leave until they pay us the $2.3 million that it costs to use this place as a dance hall that doubled as an Instagram photoshoot set."
“I just don’t understand how this could have happened when I literally asked for money from every breathing person I’ve made eye contact with since September,” said fourth-year dancer Taylor Frank as she furiously swiped through her recent Venmo transactions, trying to make sense of the numbers between her non-stop $2 requests and her friends’ thinly veiled drug transactions. “Where did we go wrong? This whole time we’ve been spending more money on this event instead of focusing on saving some of it for the kids? Is this possible?”
Even as the Marathon ended, desperate dancers were looking for any way to come away from this event feeling like they made a difference in the world. A couple of the volunteers suggested that the weird inflatable jail cell be converted into an exclusive club and start charging cover. While some of the more avid dancers said this was not "hardcore enough," people were still interested. Unfortunately, sources say that the Civic Center is threatening to revoke privileges for next year and save their space for an organization that can actually afford them, like Paw Patrol Live.