Anthropology Department Introduces "Florida Man Studies" Minor
With enrollment officially opening up once again, it's time for advisors to disapprovingly look at rising seniors who show a scary 56% completed on their academic maps and still haven't managed to fulfill their ENC2135 requirements. While the mounting tension between student and advisor might seem like a riveting psychosexual game, it’s actually really time to pick a fucking minor and stop pretending these meetings are a personal academic BDSM session. But fear not, for the anthropology department just announced that a new minor will be offered to all students starting in Fall 2019, solidifying the inherent self-hatred that all Florida natives have known since birth: Florida Man Studies.
“If you sign up now, you'll be able to take my class, 'Alligators, Arson and Amphetamines. We've been working hard on compiling lists of Florida Man stories that make you wonder if real life exists south of the Georgia-state line," commented the newest addition to FSU's Department of Anthropology, Sid Nye, as she walked, threatening strangers with her pet baby alligator.“ We decided that the minor would work best if it had more of an experimental feel to it. Ya know? Interactive, hands-on, cutting edge! And that’s why we are now offering classes in advanced face eating via methamphetamine-fueled rage, how to not use a blinker and my personal favorite: an excursion-based class where we hunt the last remaining Florida Panthers and then cool off at the Red Neck Yacht Club that actually exists.”
“Because the standard for educational leaders in this country has been reduced to maybe just not slashing funding for special education programs, virtually anyone who has golfed and has a loud voice on Facebook was allowed to slop together an entire minor program. In what way will a powerpoint documenting the number of men who have threatened their spouses with Everglades wildlife offer anything to my education?” asked kinda woke super-senior Landon Briggs. “This minor is almost as dumb as every person with Wisconsin license plates, but I heard one of the courses is just ‘Ignoring Signs of Melanoma’ where allegedly all you have to do is wear lots of tank tops, no sunscreen and never talk about new sunspots. It almost seems like they’re pandering a little too much to in-state students now.”
Despite the fights within the department between those who have Floridian pride and those who have common sense, students’ curiosity for the nature of the minor grows faster than any of Florida’s invasive species populations. After enrolling, students have been reported to throw mud on their pickup trucks before firing off celebration rounds over Doak Stadium. Whether you have room in your schedule or you just love the phallic hell-scape that is Florida, this minor might be perfect for you!