FSU to Host Live Births on Landis in Response to Abortion Protestors

If it wasn't obvious from the number of uplifting posts circulating through social media, International Women’s Day was on Friday, March 8! In commemoration of the holiday, students' eyes were visually assaulted by gaggles of anti-abortion protesters screening graphic, alleged abortion videos on Landis Green and Legacy Walk. Promising legitimate action will be taken this time in fighting non-physical acts of violence against vulnerable groups, the university administration has teamed up with Planned Parenthood in an effort to host live births on Landis Green.

“Personally, I think that our new, university-wide program 'Life on Landis' really gets our point across. The mission is to find a bunch of very pregnant women and have them camp on Landis for like two weeks. I don’t really know what they do or what’ll happen next, but I bet it’ll fix some stigma?” explained FSU’s PR consultant and uterus-tattoo-haver Chad Cooper to the event planning team. “The pro-lifers from last week really wanted people to stop and think. If we capitalize on some of their loud, horribly effective tactics, I’m sure we can get the same attention. Maybe this whole display will even show people how hard having a child is?Encourage pedestrians to yeet-us any hypothetical fetus? Everybody wins.”

“I was just on my way to Strozier when I heard a bunch of people screeching. I thought, ‘oh, the LARPers are little enthusiastic today.’ Then, I turned around and instantly regretted every decision I'd ever made,” said sophomore and very innocent bystander Kendall Gomez. “It was like an exorcism; just blood, screaming and grass. It honestly seemed like some kind of health violation. I saw the abortion people when they were here and that was pretty bad, but this whole live birth on Landis thing is so much worse. It almost made me wish I’d been aborted so I didn't have to witness that."

At this point, no one can really predict what future heinous displays Landis will bring FSU students. However, perhaps the live birth concept offers the community a happy medium between the Christian youth groups playing volleyball while blasting the top 40 hits of yesteryear, and the iconic “hell is hot, don’t be a thot” protestors. Regardless, students shouldn't feel ashamed for seeking new routes to get to Chick-Fil-A without getting caught in the crossfire. Just support women, and leave their bodies alone!

The Eggplant FSU