Local Honors and straight-A student Tracy Clayton is reportedly going places after volunteering to proctor teacher evaluations on the last day of her Organic Chemistry II class late Wednesday afternoon. Professor Patel inquired which one of his students would like to volunteer and Tracy jumped up and down yelling “Pick me! Pick me! You know I’m a sucker for validation from my professors!” “Anyone else? Literally any other sentient, breathing being who wants to volunteer?” Patel said while Clayton jumped up and down as he counted down the seconds to retirement. “Sure, fine, whatever. Tracy, have at it.”
“Okay, class! Good morning!” Clayton shouted the second Patel left the classroom before slamming a wooden meter stick on her desk as the class flinched. “I said…good morning, class!”
“Please don’t do this,” mumbled star quarterback Steven “Extremely Good At The Sport Of Football” Donohue, whilst spinning a football on his finger. Donohue, who has helped Florida State win several games and still thinks they are talking about the animal when they talk about moles in class, is mysteriously passing the course despite failing every test.
“You know the rules! Everything’s anonymous! Be honest about your experience!” Clayton ordered. “Anyone need a pencil? I know you need one, Steven.”
“Fuck you, Trace!” Donohue hollered.
“Anyway!” After passing out the forms, the two hundred person class reportedly took thirty seconds to fill out their forms. “You know, everyone, you have to take this seriously-” said Clayton before having to duck to avoid a barrage of golf pencils. “Geez, okay!”
“College sucks! I like to slam dunk footballs!” Donohue shouted. “Athletes are gods and should be treated as such!”
Clayton reportedly brought the forms to Dittmer in record time and somehow updated both her LinkedIn and resume while applying to five jobs before returning to class.