In an unsurprising turn of events, Dr. Gillian’s intro level political science class turned into a soapbox speech about how disconnected millennials are. In the midst of a tirade about how inefficient Twitter is because he can’t sign “LOVE, UNCLE GILLY” at the end of every Tweet, Dr. Gillian asked his students if they had ever even seen a VHS tape, seemingly forgetting that college-aged students were born between 1994 and 1997 when this technology was still very much present and remained very well into their childhoods. “All I know is these kids with the Twatter and the Bookface, they don’t talk anymore! When is the last time they had a conversation? When I was a kid we spoke with WORDS not EMOJIS and interacted face to face, not avatar to avatar. It’s like, where’s the good old-fashioned racism and illegal gay marriage these days?” Dr. Gillian asked a little too nostalgically. “I just want the best for them...and by that I mean to crash the economy and then ridicule the next generation about being lazy!”
“I still have every Mary-Kate and Ashley special on VHS. Even if I hadn’t grown up with VHS tapes I would still know what they look like. The same way I know what having a job looks like even though I’ll grow up in a generation that makes up 40% of the unemployed U.S. population,” responded junior Alexandra Canal before clicking “accept” on 5,000 dollars of loans so she can graduate college, join the statistic and cry herself to sleep during the “best years of her life!” “I just wish baby boomers would understand that anything they think they had better is outweighed by my generation’s creation of the Bernie vs. Hillary meme.”
Dr. Gillian’s ended his lecture by telling his students to “unplug” which he falsely believed to be a profound way to conclude the spiel. Realizing he had contradicted himself by originally blaming millennials for being anti-social then later calling them too connected due to social media, the professor attempted to recover from this by saying “hashtag not fleek” then dabbing and exiting the room.