Pike Raises Money To Give Veterans American Flag Chubbies


To celebrate Veteran's Day today, Pi Kappa Alpha has raised almost a thousand dollars to help support veterans and get them what they really need: American flag "Chubbies." "We believe that we need to always support our troops, since they keep the best country on Earth safe. The best country on Earth is America, where we live, in case that wasn't clear,” remarked PIKE president Chad Radwell as he straightened the framed picture of Charlie Crist hanging over his bed and blew it a kiss. “What better way to support our troops than making sure that they look good as shit?” Hot off the success of “Top House,” a somehow more scripted and privileged MTV Cribs-eque tour of their house, Pike’s on a hot streak. The brothers, always a charitable bunch, felt with all the fame, inheritances, and mostly consensual pussy, it was time to give something back."I just always think we should help support our troops, even if Dick Cheney did make money off the Iraq War or whatever, they fought for our freedom," said fellow Pike brother Boone Clemens who recently ignored several homeless veterans asking for money at a stoplight. “Now we get to celebrate them and treat them right!”

Veterans make up nearly 17% of the homeless population in the US and over half of those veterans suffer from mental illnesses such as PTSD, but the Pike brothers aren’t very concerned by these statistics. “That sucks and all, but what we’re doing helps too. It’s important to keep the American spirit and patriotism alive in these awful times. Let’s make America great again.” said Radwell as he prepared for the annual Veterans Day/Woodser rager. “It’s good to unwind after a long day of really helping those in need. We're even gonna donate some of our leftover alcohol and condoms to the vets after the party!”

While giving out their donations, local homeless veteran, William James, deaf from an IED blast in Iraq and also a functioning alcoholic, responded to the frat’s donations (a pair of American flag chubbies and a four pack of PBR tall boys). “Thanks assholes, but next time a home and proper health care would be nice.”