Noting the failures of previous sexual violence prevention campaigns such as “FSU Men Measure Up,” Florida State University has decided to take its campaign efforts to a whole new level. “After the last abduction attempt on campus happened I was just floored with emotions,” remarked FSU President John Thrasher while attempting to mimic Drake’s dance moves in the Hotline Bling video for the upcoming homecoming parade. “That’s when my personal social media correspondent/golf caddy Brian approached me and said the key to catching college kids’ attention lies within the memes.” Since this revelation, Thrasher as well as a dedicated board of FSU officials have taken action to reintroduce literally the exact same campaign statistics from the failed FSU Men Measure Up campaign, only this time they’ll be printed on memes Brian swears are cool.
“You gotta listen to the kids, that’s what I always say. I mean, so long as the kids deny the science of evolution and go to church every Sunday,” said Thrasher while embracing Bryan in a hug that could most closely be compared to when Voldemort hugged Malfoy. “But in all seriousness, the big picture here is that FSU men need respect and understand sexual consent, or else they’re gonna be forever alone! Am I right Brian?”
President Thrasher has graciously allowed Eggplant a sneak preview of some of the campaign media, which we’ve printed below: