1. “Well, I took three AP classes and I was in IB and I still have not gotten my first blowjob, so technically, in credits, I’m a sophomore!!!!!!!!!”
2. “I took AICE classes because my high school felt like saving a couple of dollars and earning a few Zaxby’s coupons, but not even the advisors have heard of those and none of them transferred over. But when I lay my head down to rest, in my heart of hearts, I know I’m technically a sophomore.”
3. “I came to FSU as just your roommate, but now after watching your dad move heavy boxes and that mini fridge, I guess I’m your new step-mom!!! But in credits, I’m technically a sophomore.”
4. “I’ve loitered in the air vents of the Bellamy building for a good 5 years now and in that time I’ve lowkey audited a fair number of classes so ya know, I’d say I’ve got to be a sophomore by now. Technically."
5. “I’ve never actually saved anyone, but my cat is a rescue, so technically I’m the next Mother Theresa. My cat is technically a sophomore though.”
6. “I’m a football player who punched a girl in the face at the Strip and was found ‘innocent’ by a corrupt legal system that’s obsessed with athletes, but technically I’m just a piece of shit. Oh, and a sophomore! :~)”