Finals week is just around the corner, which means students everywhere are dealing with copious amounts of work, and science majors are trying to overcome their crippling fear of social interaction to form study groups. Most students relate to this heavy burden, but Junior Golf Management major Charlie Wellington does not understand all the fuss. “Why is everyone freaking out about finals? They do this every semester and it blows my mind,” Wellington said while trying to remember which freshly pressed FSU polo to wear to classes today. “College is so easy and it’s free because your parents pay for all of it right?”
This semester, Wellington is taking the core classes of the Golf Management major: “Ignoring Your Client’s Use of the ‘N’ Word,” “Complimenting Poor Technique,” and “Teaching Girls How to Putt in the Most Handsy Way Possible.” Many claim the Golf Management is a joke of a major and an enormous waste of the university’s money, but Wellington disagrees. “People think our major is a joke but it’s actually a lot of work. I just finished a brutal semester long project which was to just watch the Masters and root for the white guy to win. And I had to write eight to ten whole pages on ways to explain that my country club/golf course is ‘discerning’ in its membership and not ‘exclusive.’”
However, one of Wellington’s classmates, sophomore Alexander Johnson, did express concern about the upcoming week. “I accidentally signed up for a business class and now I won’t be able to smoke as many blunts as I usually do on finals week because I might actually have to study for this one.” In the end, Johnson decided not to worry about it and instead “study the back nine” of the Seminole Golf Course with his bros Jojo and Taz.