This weekend, the Sigma Alpha Epsilon chapter at Oklahoma University was disbanded immediately following a video of its members partaking in a disgusting but not at all surprising racist chant. Following the shutdown of the fraternity, SAE members across the country are jumping to their own defense and reminding everyone that #notallSAE members are ignorant douchebags. Florida State’s SAE chapter is also taking the matter very seriously, going so far as to rethink painting their lion statue in blackface now that Black History Month is over. “Yeah, we’re all pretty disgusted by our brothers’ behavior,” said SAE president Dick Thomas, who goes by Richard, sliding on his sunglasses despite being indoors. “I can’t believe they would post the video and put us all on blast like that. Now whenever someone thinks of SAE they’re gonna think of racism instead of what we usually are known for, unrestrained alcoholism and sexually disturbing traditions.”
Other fraternities at FSU are more upset with the new pressure to be the most racist fraternity in the country. The brothers of Kappa Alpha are struggling to find a way to one-up OU’s SAE. “It’s like, who do they think they are, you know? Racism is OUR thing,” said KA member Ralph Cotton. “Now I’m gonna have to try even harder to get a retweet from Old Row.”
Delta Chi and Phi Kappa Psi, which are apparently also fraternities on campus, have learned that controversy is the key to becoming nationally relevant. As a result, Delta Chi members were seen hanging an ISIS flag from their front door earlier today, while the Phi Kappa Psi brothers erected a statue of Dr. Ben Carson and will no longer allow pledges to get vaccinated.