English Major Manages to Not Mention Studying Abroad for Entire Day


During the spring of 2014 English major Melissa Shultz studied abroad in London England, “but visited eleven countries, that’s right ELEVEN,” and hasn’t missed an opportunity to bring it up in every conversation since then. But in a strange turn of events that many people are calling a complete lapse in character, Melissa has somehow managed to not mention anything about her European exposure for nearly 24 hours. “I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with her,” commented Melissa’s roommate Tina as she strategically pushed Melissa’s España mug to the back of the cabinet hoping not spark her memory. “I’ve been living with Melissa since August and literally every day since then she’s never missed an opportunity to talk about Europe. We can’t even walk outside without her saying something about how she’s still not used to how we drive on the right side of the road in this country.”

Melissa’s roommate isn’t the only person appalled by her European bragging hiatus. Melissa’s French 2 class hopes that this will be the start of a quieter, less boastful time for her. “I grew up in France and somehow Melissa talks more in one class about her weekend in Paris than I talk about my childhood during a whole semester.” Remarked French TA Jean Lebeau. “I mean sacre bleu! She often says she’s ‘français as fuck’ and I’d love to fail her but she does all her work so I can’t. She even includes unnecessary personal stories in her homework that I stopped reading after the first week of class."

Despite confusion from everybody around her, Melissa claims to know what she’s doing. “Just because I didn’t talk about Europe today doesn’t mean it’s not always going to be a part of me,” said Melissa while changing her profile picture back to her walking down Abbey Road. “Traveling is what I was born to do. I even keep my passport framed over my bed at all times because I’m going places, bitch.”