Club Downunder to Check IDs for Nostalgia Night, “Only Real 90’s Kids Allowed”


This Friday, Club Downunder will host Nostalgia Night, where students can come to enjoy everything that made up their 90’s childhood. No one is more pumped for this than first year student, Cassidy Holder, who's been busily riding her Razor scooter all around campus this week preparing for the event. Cassidy is curating Nostalgia Night and has announced that Club Downunder has taken her advice to hire bouncers to check the IDs of all students who choose to participate in order to ensure that only real 90’s kids are allowed entry. “It’s really the most effective way to go about this, I mean, why would we want to open our doors to people who can’t really appreciate Bop-Its, or John Stamos’ mullet? Like honestly, if you’re not wearing a choker and still listening to Hit Clips you shouldn't be anywhere near Nostalgia Night,” said Holder as she slurped on her Ring Pop and fed her almost old enough to legally drink Tamagotchi. “Do people really think we're gonna let non-90's kids in? Ugh, as if! Anyone born after the cut off just doesn’t get it. These are the things that ONLY true 90’s kids remember.”

Holder, who according to her Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr, was born in ’96, has decided that if students forget their ID they will be quizzed in a lightning round of 90’s trivia. “I mean yeah, I was only alive in the 90’s for like four years and have no actual childhood memories until the second Bush administration, but I’ve seen a few episodes of All That on Teen Nick and oversee a colony of Furbies so I think I know what I’m talking about,” remarked Holder as she hummed “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls and chucked a slinky down the stairwell in the Woodward parking garage. “Am I doing that right?”

Cassidy is excited about all the buzz surrounding Nostalgia Night and has concluded that it must be because of the exclusiveness of her event, and not because people are pumped to get blazed out of their fucking minds for Breakfast-For-A-Buck.

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