Government Institutes “Late Voting” Option to Appeal to Stoner Demographic


As polls open across the state today, students everywhere are trying hard to pretend to care about anything other than the medical marijuana amendment. However, government officials are still worried that not enough young people will show up to vote. It was announced this afternoon that there would be a late voting option in play for students who can prove that their lateness was caused by drug consumption. “This late voting option really saved my democratic voice, man.” Said botany major Chase Brown as he admired his “vote yes to amendment 2” bumper sticker on his Jeep Cherokee. “I didn’t know when I’d have time to vote honestly. I have class at 3 that doesn’t get out until 4:15 and then I have an unbreakable obligation to smoke a joint in the Woodward garage at exactly 4:20. What do they expect me to do? Wake up before 2 PM? Not in my America.”

Polling stations are including several other amenities to get young stoners out to the polls. Taco Bell on Tennessee St. has graciously offered to cater the event, knowing that just a small taste of a Dorito’s Locos Taco now will have young voters coming back as early as immediately following their “it’s 4:20 somewhere” 10:20 PM gravity bong rip that evening. “Young stoners are really a key demographic in this election.” Said Charlie Christ while uploading a picture of him and Wiz Khalifa, which was taken without Khalifa’s consent after his show last week. “As somebody who accidentally ate a pot brownie once in grad school, I’d say I really know what these kids want.”

Not everybody is thrilled with this attempt at increasing turnout. College Republican/ die hard Toby Keith fan Chuck McCandles is outraged by this opportunity. “Classic liberal media forcing their values on us, am I right?” Said McCandles as he penciled in ‘Ronald Reagan’ for state representative, attorney general, and governor. “What’s next? Forcing us to watch the WNBA? NOT NOW NOT EVER.”

Like always, Florida’s decision wont be announced until at least a few days after Election Day, but we can rest assured that the turnout in Leon County will be the highest it’s ever been.