Christian Campus Fellowship, one of the largest ministries at Florida State University, has temporarily shut its doors after realizing that FSU students had become so sinful it just wasn’t worth it anymore. “It’s ridiculous” says Christian student Kimberly Smith, “this whole gosh darn campus has turned into one big cluster-cuss!”
The past month has been one of the toughest for young Christians in recent memory. “First there was Spring Break where all heck broke loose, then right afterwards it was St Patrick’s Day which was even worse. And to top it all off, Neil DeGrasse Tyson now has his own tv show where he says the MYTH of evolution is a ‘fact’. I just can’t take it anymore” says Kimberly.
Some Christian students have been so disturbed by recent trends of sinfulness that they have started to question their long held beliefs. One anonymous Christian said “I look at the way some of the people on this campus act and I don’t even know who I am anymore. Who knows, I may not even vote for Rick Scott again next year.”
Other Christians, like Tito Suarez from Wesleyan Student Ministries, have decided to step up and finally do something about all the sin at FSU. “I’m not going to rest until the devil’s influence is completely gone from campus. I’m tired of all my professors being liberal and everyone cussing in class. Heck, I can’t even go to a football game without seeing the Garnet and Gold Guys mock traditional family values.”
For now though, Christian Campus Fellowship will remain shut down until the FSU students decide to clean up their act-or until FSU scientists finally admit that evolution is one big lie.