FSU junior Nicole Rampone has been parading around campus on a white stallion, sporting a CVS-purchased tiara, since last Friday. While many people have wondered “What the actual fuck?”, the mystery behind Nicole’s bizarre actions has finally been solved: she was recently mentioned on the popular FSU Crushes Twitter page.
The infamous tweet that has Nicole so full of herself reads: “Nicole Rampone – I’d love to ram my pone (my pone is my dick) into your ass.” While certainly articulate and romantic, one has to wonder how one tweet could turn someone into such a nauseating hybrid of Mariah Carey and Kanye West.
According to Nicole’s friends, ever since the tweet was posted, she has been walking around “like she fucking runs shit.” Classmates revealed that she has been handing in autographed photos of herself for all of her school assignments. Additionally, her lab partner reports that a midget has been carrying Nicole’s books for the last three days. “Is that even legal?” Queries the flustered little person.
Even Nicole’s favorite Tallahassee hot spots are starting to get tired of her newfound fame. When questioned as to whether or not they had seen Nicole recently, Starbucks workers remarked, “is that that bitch who keeps asking for her usual?”
When asked if this has happened before, the creator of FSU Crushes, who asked to remain anonymous, shrugged it off and proclaimed, “Bitches be crazy.”
Nicole’s “agent” (whose phone number is strangely similar to her little sister’s), claims that Nicole is taking a little vacation to get away from the stress of being a celebrity. However, an inside source says she is undergoing cosmetic surgery to make her “less recognizable.”
Update: The source of the FSU Crushes submission has been traced back to Nicole’s own computer.
Update 2: Nicole’s IP address matches the source of a Seminole Makeouts submission, featuring none other than Nicole herself.
Update 3: The mystery man in Nicole’s Seminole Makeouts submission is her second cousin, Phillip.