Sorority Girl Admits Big is “Just Okay”

After a sisterhood retreat this weekend which most girls described as the single best weekend of their whole entire life, sorority sister Mandy Lovetz has arrived at a shocking conclusion. Somewhere during the sorority squats and Gossip Girl recaps, Mandy finally found the strength to admit that she just doesn’t really like her “big” that much.

This confession, although appalling, was not entirely unpredicted. “Mandy didn’t even cry on Big-Little reveal day,” said one sister as she looked up from her monogrammed Mac Book and sipped a Frappuccino. “Not crying during Big-Little reveal is like not crying at the end of the Notebook. It’s just like have a heart you know?” Mandy would like the records to state that she’s “not a monster” and did in fact bawl her eyes out when Rylan Gosling died in the Notebook but she still isn’t a huge fan of her “big.”

In her three years spent at FSU, Mandy has made some of the best friends money could buy; many of whom have definitely sealed their spots as her future bridesmaids. But the relationships of these women are more than meet’s the Instagram filter’s eye. Despite the “lovemybig” hashtag on all of their pictures together, Mandy admits her “big” is average at best. “We’ve just got nothing in common,” says Mandy as she browses Pinterest for a cute new craft. “She’s not like the big sister I never had. I have a big sister. But I guess she’s kind of a bitch too.”

Despite speculations pointing otherwise, Mandy has decided to both stay with her sorority and her current “big” because “you don’t pick your family.” And in Mandy’s specific case her family is nonrefundable.