Pot smokers and ironic jokers alike rejoiced last week as one student finally became the back end of the cannabis-based punchline they’ve all been waiting for since the 7th grade, a mere three years before any of them actually touched marijuana. FSU’s own Dunsten Higgenbothem hit it big amongst people he couldn’t care less about this week when he signed the lease for house number 420, located on High Road. Unbeknownst to him, Higgenbothem’s new pad is a high-profile selfie zone for everyone who uses Snapchat after 4pm. Specifically, 20 minutes after.
“Of course I know now how funny the address is, but if I’m being candid? I’ve never even SEEN marijuana before, let alone inhaled it. My mom would kill me!” Explained Higgenbothem as he spray painted “Blaze what??” in response to the vandalism left on his mailbox. “I get it. I really do. But someone almost lit the entire property on fire the other night when they tried to literally smoke the grass in my front yard. It's worrying.”
“This dude is a legend and he doesn’t even care. This is like, next level humor. So much potential here and it’s being wasted on someone named Dunsten. What kind of name is that anyway? I would name my kid Stoney Macaroni before I named him Dunsten. Haha, Stoney Macaroni,” said classmate and complete stranger Jimmy ‘Turbo Toke’ Isaac, who after fifteen minutes of subdued laughter finally looked up and asked, “Haha wait, what was the question?”
"I just needed somewhere to live and the rent is so cheap because the last residents were...let’s just say...fans of the Devil’s lettuce. The smell is permanent but hopefully, my voyeurs aren’t. The cops are no help. Every time I give them my address they yell at me for ‘dicking around.’ I just want to be left alone,” whined Higgenbothem before painting over the ‘69’ that was added to the ‘420’ above his garage door. He plans on subletting the house next semester but is suspicious of recent applicants “Dan K. Kush” and “Hugh Jassbong.”