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The Eggplant
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2020
Eggplant Horoscopes November 2020

While it’s certainly no secret that the year of 2020 has been an absolute shit show, one can still look to the future for some spiritual guidance.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 6, 2020
E-Boy Wants To Know if You’ve Ever Heard of Edgar Allen Poe
E-Boy Wants To Know if You’ve Ever Heard of Edgar Allen Poe

A title only once whispered on the depths of the internet has now taken the back seat in the shadows of your fine arts classroom.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 5, 2020
Friend Who’s Eaten Nothing but Shredded Cheese and Raw Cookie Dough Not Really Sure Where Their Mental Breakdown Is Coming From
Friend Who’s Eaten Nothing but Shredded Cheese and Raw Cookie Dough Not Really Sure Where Their Mental Breakdown Is Coming From

As midterms have come and gone, some things have remained the same; 2020 still feels like one long “Fear Factor” episode, the football team is still disappointing, and students still think going to Pots is worth risking death.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 29, 2020
Halloweekend 2020: Amazing For Being Slutty Inside
Halloweekend 2020: Amazing For Being Slutty Inside

This year has provided quite a shakeup for everything we used to know and love.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 27, 2020
Entire Freshman Class Goes “Poof” After Eating So Little
Entire Freshman Class Goes “Poof” After Eating So Little

After welcoming a new freshman class to Florida State University, something peculiar happened.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 26, 2020
Theater Student Tries To Recreate Famous “O Captain! My Captain!” Scene Over Zoom, Hits Head on Ceiling Fan
Theater Student Tries To Recreate Famous “O Captain! My Captain!” Scene Over Zoom, Hits Head on Ceiling Fan

So far, no one has been safe from the evil clutches and relentless tragedies of 2020.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 23, 2020
Masked Halloween Costumes That Still Show Hole
Masked Halloween Costumes That Still Show Hole

It’s officially the Nightmare Before, During, and Foreseeably after Halloween, because Miss Pandemic has not penciled in any time off for this upcoming full moon.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 21, 2020
Betta Fish Adopted Last Month Waiting for Sweet Release of a Toilet Bowl Flush
Betta Fish Adopted Last Month Waiting for Sweet Release of a Toilet Bowl Flush

We get it--it’s the most cursed midterm season to date.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 15, 2020
Spotted: Girl Riding Around Town On E-Scooter Definitely Having a Main Character Moment
Spotted: Girl Riding Around Town On E-Scooter Definitely Having a Main Character Moment

Samantha ‘Scoots’ Stillwell was once again reportedly sighted coasting around on an e-scooter in a vivid display of her independence last Monday.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 9, 2020
Eggplant Horoscopes October 2020
Eggplant Horoscopes October 2020

October is finally upon us.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 2, 2020
CDU Event Announced: Social-Distanced Cottage Core DIY Niche Rug Making for Depressed Keyboard Players Extravaganza!
CDU Event Announced: Social-Distanced Cottage Core DIY Niche Rug Making for Depressed Keyboard Players Extravaganza!

Get ready students—Club Downunder’s new event lineup is funky, fresh, and most importantly, within CDC guidelines!

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 1, 2020
Girl With Sneakers Stuck To Floor at Tennessee Strip Reportedly Still Waiting For Help
Girl With Sneakers Stuck To Floor at Tennessee Strip Reportedly Still Waiting For Help

Things will truly never be the same in Tallahassee following this weekend’s heat-filled, coronavirus-ridden return to the infamous Tennessee Strip.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 29, 2020
Himbos Offering Services To Break Down Doors for Drunks Who Forgot Their Keys
Himbos Offering Services To Break Down Doors for Drunks Who Forgot Their Keys

Living in an apartment complex occupied solely by rambunctious college-aged alcoholics who don’t know any better than to go feral after getting off their parents’ leash for the first time in their lives certainly has its quirks.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 28, 2020
Professor Just Wants To Add One More Thing Three Minutes After Class Was Supposed To End
Professor Just Wants To Add One More Thing Three Minutes After Class Was Supposed To End

Now that social distancing has dethroned on-campus canvasser coercion as the ubiquitous collegiate human rights violation, the impromptu Zoom class extension has comfortably taken its place.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 21, 2020
Professor With Sleep Schedule Just as Chaotic as Their Students’ Changes Office Hours To 3 AM
Professor With Sleep Schedule Just as Chaotic as Their Students’ Changes Office Hours To 3 AM

There isn’t a single college student who hasn’t found themselves staying up through the night only to sleep in so long that their roommates almost carted them off to the hospital.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 11, 2020
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2020
Eggplant Horoscopes September 2020

We’re over a week into September and the world still seems like a neverending hell fire.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 11, 2020
Virtual Comedy Shows To Bring Back Laugh Track Due To Low Ratings
Virtual Comedy Shows To Bring Back Laugh Track Due To Low Ratings

It’s been a dreary time to be a fan of comedy during the extreme losing streak that is COVID-19.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 10, 2020
Wifi Names in Student’s Apartment Read Like an Urban Dictionary Page
Wifi Names in Student’s Apartment Read Like an Urban Dictionary Page

With parties, ragers and drunk nights at the Strip being a distant memory for some, FSU has become a school focused on education rather than partying for the first time in its history.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 9, 2020
Joining the Zoom in a Pitch Black Room and Other Ways to Push Your Goth Brand
Joining the Zoom in a Pitch Black Room and Other Ways to Push Your Goth Brand

Having minimum requirements from where and how you can join your classes’ zoom calls has opened the doors for self-expression.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 7, 2020
4 Ways To Impress The Cute(ish?) Boy in Your Zoom Class Mid-Lecture
4 Ways To Impress The Cute(ish?) Boy in Your Zoom Class Mid-Lecture

It’s an ordinary Tuesday morning when you erect your spine in a position vaguely perpendicular to your bed to clock into your biweekly Zoom lecture, and there he is.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 3, 2020
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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