What Should I Actually Do Over the Summer?
Stuck at home wondering what there is to do this Summer? Sick of scrolling through sad Tik Tok slideshows every night? Wallowing around in your bed all morning with ‘just one more day until I was my hair’ hair? Wondering if hell is in Tallahassee or living with your parents? Fear not– The Eggplant is here to help. With our range of perspectives and top-notch research skills, you are sure to have an…okay Summer with this article.
Be Nice 2 Yourself
Stop wallowing you sad fuck! You are too good to remind yourself of every minorly passive-aggressive thing someone has ever said to you. Instead, keep a journal on your nightstand and write down every positive thing that happens to you. You go to college? An excuse and space to be whoever you want to be and explore your passions. You masturbated last night? You are a god. A dog approaches you? A creature literally chose you. Write all of that shit down. Your head should be as big as a 5’3 FSU fraternity man at the end of each session. Remember, if you aren’t confident someone who shouldn’t be is.
Re-kindle a Relationship
Do you remember that older guy who had the locker above you during your freshman year? Or that girl you brushed arms with, in your Junior year math class? What about the guy you went to a football game with who almost put his arm around you (he didn’t, but you could tell he really wanted to)? Well, text them. Slide up on their Snapchat story, and even (balls to the wall) heart their Instagram story. Make that move. Life is too short, and you are way too horny to make it to Fall! Who knows? It could be a summer fling that you base all your English papers on for the rest of your college career or bring you some company you damn well need.
Play the silent game
Become the mysterious type you have always wanted to be. While this will probably only last a day or two, it is still a rush to have people ask you question after question trying to figure you out. Don’t speak a word to your family at lunch, so by the time dinner rolls around they are hanging onto every last word you say. Make fleeting eye contact with the hottest person you can find at happy hour (which won’t be hard since all the bars are emptier than your Tinder matches). But let them do all the talking so they think you're different. That way, the next time you see them you’ll get coffee and they’ll instantly fall in love with all your ‘opinions.’
Smoke weed
We’ve tried to be sane and healthier than we were this past Spring (don’t ask) (I ate at the Panda Express on campus at least once a week). And sometimes, despite what FSU (freshmen) broadcasts, the hook-up game just doesn’t fill the hole you really want it to. So, get on the roof as they do in the movies, then get off the roof because you feel silly, and light one up wherever you please (or can). And, just relax.
Summer can be a confusing time. We are conditioned and programmed to be busy all the time so as never to have time to digest and face our thoughts. The more packed my schedule is, the less I have to think about who I am as a person! Usually, with the ‘relaxing’ time Summer brings we are left with…endless hours of thinking possibilities. Use it for some good this time around!