“I Love This Weather,” Says Woman Destroyed by Seasonal Affective Disorder Every Year
It’s cool weather time, and there’s no better way to enjoy how lovely it is outside than throwing on a thick sweater, cradling a pumpkin and drinking a $6 oat milk latte because it just feels right. The stars are finally aligning for a nice, enjoyable way to be in the outdoors after months of heat and sweat and stickiness and sweat. This time of year is a dream come true for local woman Natalie Zuckerberg, soaking it all up before she remembers how hard that seasonal depression is going to hit by November 1st.
“I love this weather! It’s so nice to be able to open a window and feel that crisp, cool breeze come over you while snuggled up underneath a fluffy blanket with ‘P.S. I Love You’ on. I’ve been waiting for this all year. It’s my peak,” said Zuckerberg drinking DayQuil from the bottle, wrapped in a wet towel from her shower 45 minutes ago and eating every chip in a 500-foot radius with reckless abandon. “It’s nice to be able to actually go outside and spend some time with friends now that it’s not such a chore to leave the house, which I love doing. I think I will be thinking about leaving the house sometime in the near future. Possibly. It’s so pleasant out there! Have the leaves turned yet?”
“Whatever she said about this being her peak is absolutely delusional. Our rooms are ten steps away from one another, and I haven’t heard her door open a single time in the last three days,” said George Ing, Zuckerberg’s roommate who keeps hearing chips crunching and that one song from “The Politician” looping for hours, which is technically a sign of life but not enough to not be concerned. “She keeps texting me about the hours for pumpkin patches and cute coffee shops in Thomasville to take advantage of this ‘gorgeous day.’ But I know she hasn’t changed out of her footsie pajamas since last Tuesday. This happens every year, so her thinking she’s going to be happier this Fall is a lot. I’m worried about her, but also have to admire that sheer optimism right before she inevitably hits the wall.”
Whether you have the “happy chemical” in your brain or not this fall, the weather actually is really nice out. The difference is a matter of going outside to see it or maybe, just, not. If you choose to stay inside, open the window, or the blinds if anything. The cool weather is here, and so is the one consistent thing you can count on: seasonal depression. Flick on that SAD light and get ready for an autumnal celebration you hope to forget!