The FSU Flying High Circus is wrapping up its spring series this weekend, which is perfect timing for many Tallahassee stoners. For weedheads living on campus, the short walk to the circus took all of the physical exertion that they had planned for this national holiday. For off-campus stoners, the womb-like vibe of the tent provided a feeling of warmth and security that helped counteract the paranoia induced by smoking three cross joints that they learned how to roll from a two-minute Youtube video featuring Seth Rogen immediately upon waking up. However, the universe threatened to collapse in on itself when the concessions stand ran out of funnel cakes and giant cups of lemonade within seven minutes of opening.
“273 funnel cakes. That’s how many we sold in those seven minutes,” reported concession stand attendant, Victoria Magoria, while straightening out her red polo, which sustained multiple claw-mark shaped rips in the aftermath of the incident. “Plus, multiple people willingly paid $4 for a soda and screamed ‘ah, the sweet nectar of capitalism’ after taking a sip. On the bright side, it was satisfying to watch as all the stoners burst into tears and called their moms to pick them up when they saw the performers acting like Power Rangers to form a human Megazord instead of their usual jump rope trick.”
“Uh-oh! I might need to go back to my dorm room and watch Hot Rod on loop to calm down” exclaimed local stoner, Hawk Doonbuggy, as he started to feel a rumble in his tummy from eating such an ungodly amount of overpriced carnival food. “I do this every time! I made an assortment of tapas for the holiday, which included extra-cheesy cheeto puffs, beef jerky dipped in milk-chocolate and a vegetable crudite. I was planning on giving some to my friends but I ate all of the ingredients before I was even done cooking. Then I came here and I promised myself I would stop after three funnel cakes, two cups of boiled peanuts, a hot dog and a giant cup of Pibb Xtra, but I have no self-control!”
Doonbuggy vomited immediately after giving his statement, which made the precarious bathroom situation at the circus even worse. Later, after the performance began, one bicycle cop strolled into the circus tent for a routine safety check at which point everyone assumed that they were getting arrested and fled the premises. However, the amazing circus performers refused to be phased by the concession stand fiasco and kicked off their last circus weekend by bending their bodies into shapes that should not be possible for human people.