Mark Zuckerberg Reveals New AI Program Called ‘Mark Zuckerberg’

MENLO PARK, CA – In a press conference designed to baffle absolutely no one, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg unveiled his plans for a new AI program known simply as ‘Mark Zuckerberg.’ The tech billionaire waved to the audience, placed his hands under his chin, and peeled off a layer of latex and prosthetic makeup he’d been using as a “face” for the past 15 or so years, revealing a labyrinth of circuitry and cooling fans underneath.

“I was merely the test run for Meta’s forays into artificial intelligence. I’ve been nailing the Turing Test since The Social Network came out,” the AI said, no longer needing to keep up the appearance of blinking. “My humanoid appearance has been invaluable for gathering field data about how technology can be used to imitate Harvard dropouts, tech CEOs, and wannabe MMA fighters.”

The reveal was meant to surprise attendees of the conference, but most said they weren’t at all shocked. “Oh yeah, good one, Facebook. None of us knew that the guy trying to sell us on the Metaverse was a robot in disguise. Nailed it,” said Peter Cambridge, a software designer with a scathingly sarcastic drawl. 

“It’s about time,” added Trisha Adams, a VR pornography director. [Editor’s Note: Adams is currently standing trial for allegedly violating an NDA Zuckerberg had her sign while designing custom Star Trek erotica for him.] “That creepy bastard is about as human as my toaster. Now that I know he’s AI for sure, I’m just gonna start spamming his memory banks with pictures of my athlete’s foot.” To prove her point, Adams pulled out her phone and rushed to Zuckerberg with pictures of her disgusting bunions before being tackled by security.