Top 10 Lizards of All Time
When our loyal readers begged us to rank the top ten birds of all time, we did. That’s because The Eggplant cares. The Eggplant listens. So when many of you took to Twitter, outraged by the lack of reptile representation on the website, we knew something had to be done. The Eggplant is dedicated to giving a voice to the voiceless, so after countless hours of brainstorming and workshopping, we have compiled a government approved list of the greatest lizards to ever grace this world with their presence. This is the Top 10 Lizards of All Time.
10. Martin (GEICO Gecko) - Kicking off our top 10 is none other than Martin, the always lovable spokeslizard of the insurance company GEICO. I know what you’re all thinking, “That’s one hot lizard.” I have great news for you freaks! He was first conceptualized in 1999, which means Martin is legal (and aging like fine wine, might I add).
9. Reptile (Mortal Kombat) - Moving into our 9th place spot is Mortal Kombat fighter Reptile. To clear up any confusion on whether this fighter is a true lizard, here is a voice line from Mortal Kombat: Armageddon: “I am Reptile.” We hope that cleared things up. Reptile earned his spot on this list by threatening to massacre The Eggplant staff, causing mass fatalities.
8. Mushu - Our 8th spot on the list goes to the one and only Mushu! Mushu proves time and time again throughout the Mulan film that he is deserving of this spot. While his size and stature make it difficult to place him higher, his big personality and comedic sensibilities should not be overlooked. We all need a friend like Mushu in our lives.
7. The Lizard Wizard (From King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard) - Not much is known about this lizard. He is often overshadowed by King Gizzard, however, it should be noted that a magic-using lizard is highly impressive. The Lizard Wizard has and continues to inspire future lizards to new heights, proving to the world that lizards have much more to offer than meets the eye.
6. Gex - Located at his primary residence in Maui, Gex lives a life of luxury and action that one could only dream of. His work with secret divisions of the United States government in the fight against supervillain Rez is highly commendable. Like that wasn't enough, Gex uses the fortune he amassed from the passing of his great uncle for various philanthropic causes. A millionaire secret agent lizard that gives to charity? Sign me the fuck up.
5. SCP-682 - At a solid number 5 positi- S̶͕͛͠C̷͇͊͘P̵̢̱̓͝-̸̱̇̀ͅ6̸̛̭̅8̴̨̙͐2̷̠́ ̴̫̇i̴̡͆s̶͎̍͌ ̷̙́͑h̴̼̆i̸̛̱͎g̷̡̏h̸̻̣̎l̴͉̃y̶͔̽ ̴̪͍͛̈́ḍ̵̲̔̋a̷̙̎n̷̢͍̍g̴̖̤̈e̸͎̋̓r̴͎̐õ̶̥ṳ̸̐s̸͊̏͜.̸̣̐͆ ̵̱̂Ç̴̖͌̈o̶͈͙̒̐n̶̛̝͝t̴̙͠a̸͙̣͐́i̸͆͜n̶̓ͅm̸̱̑ẽ̵̪̟n̸̨̧̓͒t̶̗͘ ̷͍̕ḭ̵͔́s̵̭͖̾ ̴̳̮̌́n̴̮̐́ô̴̰͑ ̷̛̻̈́l̸̰̔̃ö̷͇̤ń̴̝̣̔ģ̶͇͋̽e̴̬̩͂ř̶̫ ̸͇̘͗ȁ̴̟̀n̴̥͖͆͛ ̴̗̋̕o̶͈̅p̵̧͠t̵̳̐i̵̡̼̕͝ǒ̸̻n̴̹͘.̵̖͂̈ ̷̻̳̈́Ş̴͛̉u̷͈̘̓̀b̶̰̃̾j̶̠͗̅e̵͕̓̑c̷̺̆t̷͖̻͗̌ ̸̪͑m̸̲͍̈́̎u̵̗̱͂ṡ̴̱͕̀t̸̘̂̍ ̷̨͈̈́b̴̢̜̏͘e̵͓͑̓ ̴̮̲̓t̵̛̩̀e̷̮̾͠r̸̥̤̈m̸̜̚͜ī̵̻̣̎ṉ̷͗͑a̵͕͍͋̑t̵̪̀̽ẻ̷̗d̶̛͇̣ ̵̼́̅ţ̴̻̈́̎o̸̯̟͂̽ ̶̮̝͛̐ṕ̵͕̚r̸̖̾͆ȩ̵́v̶͇̤̇e̶͈̕n̷̨͘͝ţ̷͚̎ ̸̹̒f̶̪̐̂ṷ̴̠͠r̷̡̟̃ṱ̶̕ḧ̸̫́̈́ḝ̴͔̚r̷̻͘ ̶̼̈͜͝c̶̼̞̃͘ō̷̝l̶̤̽ĺ̷̪͛a̵̜͠ͅt̴̳͛̆ė̶̼̎r̷͈̼̈́̎a̶̠̗̓ĺ̷̤ ̵͙͠͠d̵͎̓͛ă̶̭̔m̸̧͈͝a̵̲͆́g̷̠͘e̵̤͘.̸̢͎͐͘ ̵͎̀S̵̬̏͘C̶͚͝P̶͍̩͆͝-̴̢͔̾̑6̵̼̜͑8̵̬̪̕͝2̵̻̋́ ̸̝͓̋̎i̵̡͋͐s̶̻͎̉ ̶͔̿̏͜ȃ̷̧d̷͎̋̓ả̴̰͉͘p̶̺̎ͅẗ̷͙́ͅḭ̴̈n̵̳͂g̴͙̐ ̶̟̎t̸̬͒o̷̡̖͌̋ ̸̻̞̃̐i̶͍̍̏͜t̸̮̩́s̶̠͘ ̷̹͎̓ȇ̴̤͔ṅ̴̟̿v̴̨̛̭͌ì̵̹͙r̷͍̺͒̀ö̸͉̅n̴̡̂̓m̵̫̪̀e̴͋ͅn̵͕͘ţ̸̽,̷̡̨̍̈́ ̷̻̟̋͠m̷̡̧͑̑a̴̝̭͊̚k̸̗̀̍i̴̺̪͆n̵̖̈͑g̵̱̬͆͘ ̴̮̾͆i̸̳͐͌t̷̠͌ ̷̢̲͝i̷̬̾͛ṇ̷͛̏c̴̱͕̑̍r̷͈̃e̵̻͠a̶͇̲͑s̵̨͊̅ì̷͙̬̇n̸̘̓̀ǵ̷̞̜͐l̵̙̮͝y̸͇̞̚ ̴͔̑ͅd̶͕̼͑̚i̸̛͓̍f̸͓͋͘f̵̧̝̈́̅i̸̧̫͋c̴̩̎u̷̯̕ļ̷̟͗̋t̵̞̖̑͂ ̴̞̀̈́t̸͚́͂ö̷̫́́ ̸̼̘́̒t̵̪̬̊r̴̛̰̤̐ä̸̭́͛c̶̡̏̌k̴̠̑ ̶̞̯̎i̵̭͐͊ͅt̴̲̭̄ş̷̫̃͝ ̶̹̀ẇ̴̘̼h̴̪͛e̴̹̾́͜r̶͈̄e̸̬̟͑́ą̶̃b̷̛̫̋o̵̙͐̊u̶̫̽͘t̴͉͊̂s̶̱̝̉ ̸͉͔̍o̴̙̫̓͠r̸̻̍̋ ̸̗̓p̴͉͝r̷̘̊e̵͘͜d̵̼̥̊ị̵͓̄̏ć̶̭̻͠t̷̜̟̋͝ ̵̰͋́i̸͍̦͊t̵͎͙̃s̶̼͠ ̵̧̈́͠ň̶͔͔ë̶͕x̴̹͋̋t̵̛̠̹͆ ̷̰̲̄͝m̵̛̩̈́ȏ̸̤̄v̸̞̖̄e̵̱̯̒̅s̷̤̺͑.̴̣̄ ̶̩̍̄ͅW̸̟̮̐̈́e̴̻͒ ̵̣͓́w̵̤̒̓ī̴̝͊l̵͓̇ļ̷̟̈ ̸͚̉c̶̨̪̓͝o̶̞͠͠ǹ̶̰̌t̵̯͉̆͘i̸̢̥͒͐n̷̥̾̾u̵̙̼̽͝è̴̱͔͋ ̶͈̆͐t̴̡̿̾ô̴͓̾ ̷̦͉͂́m̴͎̀o̷̲̫͝n̶̟̈́i̶̲̚t̵̖͋ȯ̶̘̞͂r̵͇̲̃͝ ̶͎̀t̸̺̾h̵̰̮̄ẹ̶̄ ̸̢̤̿̈́s̵͇͇͝ị̶͕̓t̵̫́u̷̞̹͋a̴̱̿t̷̪͊̕i̷̤͋o̴͕͝n̵̙͙͌̎.̷̼͒͜͝ -which was what they called me back in high school.
4. Yoshi - Dorks have often pondered what came first, the Yoshi or the egg? Yoshi is on this list because he is a financial mogul. Full name T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, Yoshi is a tycoon of the Mushroom Kingdom, owning lucrative real estate properties like an island, multiple racing tracks, and even his own woolly world. What asset is this guy gonna buy up next?
3. John - This is my pet salamander, John. He’s really cool and funny if you get to know him. He mostly just lays around in his terrarium which is pretty chill. I put him in the top 3 because I like him and he’s cool. John doesn’t like to be touched so I would say don’t touch him but other than that he’s a fun loving guy and he’s cool.
2. Rango - Talk about a lizard with range. Rango stands out on this list as a lizard who may not have been deserving of a spot prior to the events of his starring film. He was soft, scared, and out of place at the start, but boy did he mature into a mighty lizard by the end. Like his scales, Rango became hardened by his environment, earning the nickname “the Clint Eastwood of reptiles” by all who come to meet him.
Godzilla - Oh, no! There goes Tokyo! And here comes Godzilla, the king of the monsters and consequently the king of the lizards. Since his first appearance in 1954, Godzilla has captured the hearts, minds, and people of Tokyo and beyond. You have to respect that he never takes a sick day. He’s always there, destroying half the city, and with a smile on his face too. Thank you, Godzilla. Thanks for being there.