Hispanic Mother Still Insists Vicks VapoRub Can Cure COVID-19
Doctors, scientists, and public health officials have been working exhaustive hours trying to find a vaccination for COVID-19 amidst the constant protests from anti-muzzlers. Despite their tireless efforts, the virus only seems to worsen as it continues to spread. Over the weekend, however, scientists began an investigation surrounding new evidence provided by an unlikely group of researchers. Hispanic mothers across the nation suggest they have found the actual cure for COVID-19: Vicks VapoRub.
“As soon as I heard about this Corona thing, I thought people meant the beer. I had to remind my family that I have always been more of a Modelo type. After they cleared that up, I slathered so much VapoRub on my kids that a dermatologist had to manually re-open their pores,” detailed Maria Valesquez, a Cuban mother. “My kids go to Florida State University, so I’m always scared they will contract the virus from their dirty little friends. When I sent them back to school, I threw away all their masks and replaced them with tubs of Vicks. That is literally the only thing that will keep them safe.” While doctors are still looking into the validity of these claims, Valesquez widened her eyes really big and moved her hands around a lot when saying this statement, ultimately making a convincing argument.
“Vicks VapoRub runs in our blood, literally. My Abuela would bottle feed me with it. I’m sure we’re like the only family on Earth that knows about Vicks’ healing properties, so it’s basically our little secret,” said local Dominican mother, Tania Castillo. While mixing a couple tubs of the menthol-based medicine in a 7-foot-deep rice pot, Castillo seemed a bit lightheaded, possibly from the fumes. “I use Vicks all the time, and I haven’t gotten the virus. I haven’t left my house in 7 months and told all my friends I had COVID so they’ll leave me alone, but I know it’s the VapoRub keeping me safe. I even tagged the President in a photo of it on Facebook, but he didn’t respond. Probably because he wants everyone to be sick.”
Overall, theories surrounding Vicks VapoRub and its curing properties are widely disputed. While the creator of this medicinal rub took to social media to agree that their product could cure COVID, he also claimed he’d deny saying that if someone ever quoted him in a legal situation. Still, Hispanic mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and more have helped the company sell out all over the United States. Tread carefully, though, as when these women were presented with facts negating Vicks’ healing properties, scientists were usually met with some form of physical violence.