S'Cute! Obama Sends Final Drone to Waziristan, Giving the People Something to Remember Him By

“Whose mans?!” That’s what many casual observers and foreign policy experts were screaming out this morning after President Barack Obama launched one last drone strike to the Waziristan region of Afghanistan so the people there would have something to remember him by. The Obama administration has made it a top priority over the past seven years to engage in a campaign of leadership decapitation as well as reminders the administration cares about the goings-on in the region. But the President’s most recent sky-surprise to a small mountain village just shows his constant dedication to the people of Afghanistan.

“It was really a no-brainer. I thought the people of the area might not be thinking about me and what I’ve done for them much, what with Trump being the President-elect and all.” said President Obama from a throne of hope, change and lies. “I figured why not let ‘em know I still care. Remember when I did that fun selfie-stick video? Remember when I dropped the mic at that last White House Correspondents Dinner? Remember when I blew up a wedding in Afghanistan for no real geopolitical reason? I just wanna be remembered as the Cool President.”

Looking at the press coverage surrounding the president’s campaign of “memories from above,” as he calls them, many are taken with how charming and handsome he and his family are and fail to even comment on this program or the devastation it may or may not have wrought. Moreover, the President is such a modest guy. Instead of taking credit for searing the memory of his RC controlled drone antics into the minds of millions, Obama insists that the Bush administration is really the mastermind behind this program which, according to one White House official, has “...really only expanded dramatically in the years since Bush left office.”

“Donald Trump is going to be a total disaster for the Muslim world and our interests in the region,” said President Obama, this time out of the other side of his mouth as he threw a rock out of his glass office. “We need a Democrat in charge so that the hateful and dangerous attitude Republicans have toward the region and toward Muslims will guide our government to more humanitarian policies. Actually, what the Hell? Let’s send one more strike to a village in Pakistan, I won’t even pick ahead of time. I’ll just throw a dart at a map. Should be as effective as our strategy has been so far. But first, can someone help me finish my friendship bracelet with Joe’s name on it?”

The Eggplant FSU