“I Can’t Stop Drinking Coffee” And 9 Other Annoying Things Your Roommate Won’t Shut Up About Since Returning From Study Abroad
The soothing sound of extreme demolition and smell of cucumber vape juice welcomed everyone back to FSU’s campus this week. However, some students found themselves returning not from their parents’ townhome in Ft. Lauderdale, but from a long summer spent overseas. That’s right – those who studied abroad are acclimating back to day-to-day life just like the rest of us normies, although some newly cultured students are finding it to be more difficult than others. What’s worse than trying to get back into your dull, rash-inducing routine? Doing so while dealing with a roommate who will not shut up about their overexposed Roman Holiday. Here are ten (10) things your roommate will probably never shut up about after leaving the Mediterranean luxe life.
1. “I can’t stop drinking coffee! If I don’t have my morning espresso shot, I could literally run over herd of sheep. There’s sheep everywhere in Italy, by the way. Allora!”
Stop acting like everyone didn’t see you wince after taking that triple shot at Starbucks last week.
2. “Did you know that they don’t use ice cubes in Europe? It’s why everyone there has 2% body fat.”
Look, we get it. Europeans have normal weather. But you’re back in Satan’s armpit now, so get a hold of yourself and enjoy your frozen cubes like every other Floridian.
3. Pronouncing words like “cappuccino” and “rigatoni” like Giada from the Food Network.
For (painful) reference, see: https://www.foodnetwork.com/videos/gh-italian-glossary-0215641
4. “Not a single person in Florence has a juul. They’re so... Gen ne sais quo! I only smoke cigarettes now. For the art, of course.”
Literally everything about this sentiment sucks. Every. Single. Thing. Also, that’s definitely French.
6. “Ever since I watched 'The Lizzie McGuire Movie' when I was five years old, I knew I just HAD to go to Europe.”
Okay, this one I get. If “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” didn’t make you want to go on a school trip to Italy and discover you have a doppelganger who happens to be an international pop star you might be a soulless robot. Also, let's not forget how hot Paolo was (until he ruined absolutely everything).
7. “Is that ‘Prego?' I seriously cannot eat jarred pasta sauce anymore after my trip. We ate marina made from fresh tomatoes watered by the tears of elderly sicilian women and it was amazing.”
Can we stop acting like store-bought foods don’t go EXTREMELY hard? What about Prego or DiGiorno? The little wafer cookies from Trader Joe’s? Those fancy clear ice cream pints of gelato?
8. Making this hand motion to explain literally anything:
9. “Jersey Shore is such an abomination. Can you imagine people adopting the culture of a country just because they’ve had minimal interaction with its customs?”
While not completely incorrect, most of the Shore gang are at least of Italian ancestry.
10. “My 23andMe results said that I’m 14% Southern European, so it makes sense why I feel so spiritually connected to my roots.”
Do I even need to say anything?
So, while your unfortunate ears may be forced to sponge up this irritatingly appropriating rubbish for the foreseeable future, just remember that you only have three months until a whole new wave of study-abroaders grace us with their arrival once again. As they say in Tuscany, buona fortuna!