Meet the Members of the HCB Skate Team


HCB is a landmark building for every lost freshman on Florida State’s campus. Legend says that it stands for Huge Crazy Boner or something else just as crazy bonkers. But everyone knows that once the sun goes down, the Huge Classroom turns into a hotspot for aspiring skaters. Where Burning Spear meets Illegal Civilization, here come the members of the HCB Skate Team!

Brock: The Metalcore One

Skateboarders were a part of the counterculture a long time ago, so he calls himself an activist and old soul. His uniform of choice is an absurdly long t-shirt with Death Grips or Scarface on it and black skinny H&M jeans. He’s really into showing the world that he has problems with authority in the most Disney Channel way possible. What he won’t tell people is that he’s a secret genius who’s majoring in neuroscience and Creek High Class of 2017’s salutatorian.

Signature Trick: Going from moshing to punching in 0.5 seconds.

Signature Beanie: A black one with the name of some metal band in a font that at this point is truly unreadable.

Asher: The Indie One

Asher is who comes to mind when people explain why they hate Mac Demarco. He wears nail polish, but like, in a homophobic way. With a ghosting streak of 15 and counting, he’s basically a god to the HCB skaters and misogynists alike. He’s not a bad guy, though; his middle school girlfriend just “really messed him up.” Middle school trauma might’ve left him completely closed off, but luckily he found a release through emotional abuse.

Signature Trick: The backhanded compliment.

Signature Beanie: Brown Carhartt.

Austin: The Guy with the Motorized Skateboard

Everyone on campus has seen someone skating really well only to notice the small remote in their hand and immediately become infuriated. Austin’s ready to let you know that “the controller’s not that hard, it’s just like Call of Duty.” Austin was very chill when he let everyone know that “skating is really cool, you just practice and focus on yourself, in complete silence.” He hasn’t figured out that everyone hates him.

Signature Trick: Forcing people to jump into the grass.  

Signature Beanie: Supreme box logo because “you might not know that Supreme used to be a skate company?”

Sarah: Doesn’t Skate, Just Really into Asher 

Every team has eye candy, and that’s why Sarah’s at HCB instead of studying. She doesn’t do much - just sort of sits down near a skateboard cheering Asher on and telling him that the ground is uneven when he tries to ollie for the fifth time. At a CDU concert, she told him that she was into skating because she watched one i_D video and now she has to follow through if she’s going to have any chance of losing her ‘being gaslit’ virginity. Asher’s never offered to teach her how to skate, but she’s okay with that. “Alexa Demie was so pretty in Mid90’s,” she says while checking her makeup. She realizes that she’s setting back progress for female skaters, but how is progress her job?

Signature Trick: Internalized Misogyny. 

Signature Beanie: Doesn’t want to “mess up the tape-in extension situation she’s got going on.”

The Eggplant FSU