With spring semester ending and the new school year fast approaching, prospective students from all over Florida and a few confused out-of-staters are flocking to tour FSU’s beautiful campus soon to be littered with Fireball bottle shards from Doak After Dark. FSU tour guides, surgically altered to never stop smiling, assured high school seniors that they will see all of the iconic landmarks FSU has to offer, including but not limited to Westcott, Landis, Strozier, statues of morally questionable benefactors and a blue panty liner on the ground.
“I always knew that I would be a Nole. My boyfriend was just accepted and my parents even conceived me on Langford Green to the pounding of a Burning Spear drum before the Choke at Doak!” beamed incoming transfer student Courtney Leyman, posting a picture with a water fountain in the Union captioned “My future vomit dispensary #blessed.” “I heard amazing things about all the football games and passing out in the middle of Tennessee Street but really wanted to experience it for myself. I especially wanted to see Westcott because of that magic fountain full of gator tears and Renegade piss, but I’m mostly excited to see one of the blue panty liners laying around here. I heard it’s pretty much a symbol of pure Nole pride! GO NOLES!”
Before stopping at Landis Green to ad lib some bullshit about ghosts on campus, tour guide Joy Gleeson advised her group to listen, and listen closely. “Due to the random, almost whimsical nature of this FSU phenomenon, some tours unfortunately don’t get to experience this,” Baker whispered. “But today, things really lined up and we are going to see the sacred blue panty liner.” The tour group celebrated in advance by conducting a version of the fight song with the lyrics “M-Y P-A-N-T-Y L-I-N-E-R! (What what!) PANTY LINER! PANTY LINER! PANTY LINER! WOOO!"
Much to the tour group’s dismay, the blue panty liner had been discovered already and utilized as the perfect background for grad photos. The line stretched all the way to the psychology building just to get a single photo in front of it. It was reported that the blue panty liner is nearing the end of its absorbent and clean life from all of the champagne bottles popped on it — not even something as absorbent and fresh as Always Dailies Panty Liners® can last forever, quite like these graduating students’ fleeting relevance.