In a manic rush from caffeine and having listened to Daft Punk on loop for the past 48 hours, FSU students were proud to announce that they developed a software to remove the disease that has been plaguing the tropics lately: the Zika virus. Junior Computer Science major Priya Desai and her team created the software at HackFSU, a weekend-long event to design new technology and be showered with free stuff. “My team and I are THRILLED to have put an end to the Zika virus. Absolutely thrilled and excited and electrified. Excuse me, one second.” Desai ejected the IV that connected her arm to a hunch punch-like mixture of Monster, Red Bull and simple syrup. “Sorry about that. Pardon me, one more second.” She let out a small, gratified yelp as she stripped off five energy enhancement patches from her other arm.
The HackFSU event was held at Dirac library, where several charged up, future Edward Snowdens gathered this past weekend. The basement-turned-lounge harbored tired students who slept in igloos made of empty Red Bull cans while tucked away in their sleeping bags. On the third floor was an energy station with free coffee and pounds of “not cocaine” laced with “ not Adderall.” Students programmed with Java while drinking java and wrote lines of code while doing lines of coke. It was a super-nerd wonderland.
“I watched The Social Network the other day and immediately knew I had to participate in this.” A freshman exploratory major said while combing his neck beard with his donut-crumb fingers. “My main goal was to hack the World Meme Database but as soon as I signed up I realized the goal of this occasion was a little less noble. Props to Priya for her discovery.”
When asked about her last thoughts on the event, Desai animatedly exclaimed that she is just thrilled to make the world a better place through technology. “I can finally say with confidence that *hacker voice* I’m in.” Desai proceeded to immediately drop her head and fall asleep in a comedown of sugar, caffeine and other questionable substances.