Student Triumphantly Closes Social Media Apps By 3 AM


With finals swiftly approaching, junior Carson Day has announced that he will be taking a break from his night time social media routine until exams are done, and not only successfully closed his Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Vine, and Tumblr apps but also managed to not open them again two seconds later.     “My old night time routine included a cucumber face mask followed by me bundled up in the corner of my bed, surrounded by blankets and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrappers, circulating endlessly through all of social media until I eventually passed out from sheer exhaustion,” detailed Day while noting how much the recent change has drastically reduced the dark circles under his eyes. “I am so young…so beautiful.”   

Day has found inspiration behind his recent lifestyle change, creating a campus wide movement asking students to pledge with him to just go to bed. Unfortunately, other students are reluctant to commit to such a change claiming that social media time before bed is the only sense of enjoyment they get this time of year.     

“Oh my God, what is wrong with you people,” retorted first year student Amanda after being questioned if she would be partaking in the challenge aptly named the “Just Go to Bed” Initiative. “Just this one thing. Please let me have this one thing. This university has obliterated every other fiber of my being please just let me enjoy the one thing I have left. Please.”