This Virgin’s Review of Rocky Horror at the SLC by John Thrasher


How do you do, students? It is me, your fearless leader, President John Thrasher. I took part in the strangest, most wonderful event at the Student Life Cinema late Saturday night. A film that I had heard much about ever since watching that adorable Wallflower movie with my granddaughter was showing at midnight: The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was prepared for a nice, quiet moviegoing experience, but let me tell you: it was a trip! Right off the bat I was baffled by an impossibly long line full of strangely dressed characters. And then a woman in immodest lingerie came up to me and drew a “V” on my forehead! She asked me if I had seen it before, and after saying no, she called me a virgin and drew a “V” on my head, as if not having sex in twenty years makes you a virgin again. Truly bizarre.

Things only became more strange from there. A group of crazy kids had situated themselves in the front of the theater and appeared to be dressed as characters from the movie. Many men were also wearing makeup, which is strange, because that’s an urge people my age just suppressed when we were their age. Youths, amirite?

And then the games started. First I was wrapped in Saran wrap very quickly by a man only wearing a golden Speedo. Then, I had to laugh and quickly transition into the sound of my own orgasm! This was all in front of almost 400 people, mind you. I won’t lie, I did get into it a bit and people seemed a bit disquieted. Then, we got to the final game, which was a game to see who could make out with their partner the longest I learned after the fact. My kissing partner, however, ran away when it came to our turn. I don’t think I’m that bad of a kisser, I’ve had decades of practice, not to brag. No virgin here, no siree!

The fun didn’t even end when the movie started! People were shouting and dancing along and I admittedly got very into the festivities. People called Susan Sarandon a slut! I didn't even know that word was cool to use again! At some point during the night my shirt came off and my tie ended up around my head. It was truly a night I’ll never forget.

Leaving the theater at three in the morning, I realized there’s something about watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight gives you this incredible rush. I only hope that every Florida State student can experience it during their college years. As for this no-longer-virgin, I can’t wait to partake in it next year like the slut I now am.