A video released today by UF’s most musically and artistically talented students proves that due to the university’s recent lack of success in pretty much everything, Gator fans have to look back fifty years to the invention of Gatorade to find anything worth bragging about.
“It’s a rough time to be a Gator fan right now,” said UF President Bernie Machen in an official apology to the online community for having to watch that video. “As you can see from the video, our football team’s losing record combined with FSU’s championship has driven some of us to do desperate things that we are not proud of.”
University of Florida students are at a crisis point without any real heroes to look up to. “I used to have so many role models, like Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow. But then Meyer left and Tebow turned out to suck at being a quarterback and I don’t even know what to believe anymore.” said an anonymous Gator student while crying into his 2006 championship T-shirt. “But we still have Gatorade though, FSU will never have that. I mean they may have a more outgoing, sociable, and culturally successful student body, but they don’t have Gatorade.”
When asked if maybe UF doesn’t always have to compare themselves to FSU and could just take pride in being its own successful public university, the student replied “No that’s stupid. Fuck FSU. Go Gators!” He then ran away in tears to light a candle and lay flowers at the Tim Tebow statue.