Guthrie of Guthrie’s Fame Reportedly Revealed To Have Visited The Epstein Islands

It’s no secret Guthrie’s has been serving not only the countless drunk and disgruntled Tallahassee citizens, but also the pickiest eaters with 7-year-old tastebuds, the humble chicken finger and french fry box for decades. What is a secret, however, is the founder Guthrie himself. For years people have wondered if the man behind the golden fingers of joy even exists, but with its modern popularity the public was bound to learn the truth behind the man. Guthrie turned a once small-town business into an empire and quickly became one of the most powerful god figures in Tallahassee, Florida (why anyone would want to be that that I don’t know). Not only is Guthrie’s popular with people who’ve never eaten a vegetable in their life, but new recently declassified photos reveal that the chicken finger mogul may have caught the eye of one of the most infamous men of High Society America: Jeffrey Epstein. 

The Epstein Islands are already a place surrounded by myth and infamy (if you hadn’t heard). Eventually, some of the most wealthy and powerful global elite were seen or listed taking trips to the private islands as Epstein became more successful as a trusted advisor. Although I probably can’t say what typically went on at these private island events, let’s just say that it rhymes with mild tex fling. As a result of the recent Ghislane Maxwell hearings, last week photos of the beloved Guthrie's founder surfaced placing him on the islands. The photos included Guthrie himself, seen with a chicken finger in hand, seated at a table with Epstein and a few other notable figures like Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates. When former prosecutor of the Epstein Trials was questioned, he claimed, “I’m not surprised. Epstein was famously a really big fan of their chicken tenders, and apparently so were the kids.” He later added, “The 80s were a crazy time and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were smuggling coke in those gut boxes for some extra cash.”

Now that the most trusted news sources have begun circulating the images (FSU Barstool and FSU Chicks) the implications are drastic. The court of public opinion may be shifting, especially with competition opening up right across from the flagship chain here in Tallahassee. “I honestly knew all along that there was something fishy about that place, think of the kids” stated the Raising Canes regional manager, “why would anyone wanna go somewhere so mid in the first place?” They said this with tears pouring down their face. Even people in powerful roles in Tallahassee like Ron DeSantis, once held private meetings with Guthrie. One can only shiver at the evil thought of the Florida governor shoveling golden fried chicken down his fat throat.

This information surfacing could have consequences with biblical proportions. Although Epstein isn’t alive to comment on this himself (thanks Bill Clinton) when Guthrie’s team was asked for comment, we received no response. However, in the end, even if Guthrie went to these contemptible islands, is it really gonna stop you from getting that gut box? Have you even tried their sauce? That shit is liquid gold. I’m on my way down Tennessee St. to get in line right now.