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The Eggplant
How to Turn Your Childhood Bedroom Into an Optimized Work Environment
How to Turn Your Childhood Bedroom Into an Optimized Work Environment

With most Florida State students stuck at their parents’ houses, doing online work can be a bit of a challenge.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 24, 2020
Guy With Worst Apartment You've Ever Seen Still Not Interested in You
Guy With Worst Apartment You've Ever Seen Still Not Interested in You

College towns are home to disgusting guys and even more disgusting housing complexes.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 23, 2020
Freshman Realizing They Broke out of Their Shell for Nothing
Freshman Realizing They Broke out of Their Shell for Nothing

It’s no secret that life has changed imminently for all college students these past two months. Seniors are moping about how they can’t have a sense of finality to their last four years of absolutely wrecking their livers.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 22, 2020
Kid With Rich, Supportive Parents Is “Just As Mad” About Not Getting a Government Stimulus Check
Kid With Rich, Supportive Parents Is “Just As Mad” About Not Getting a Government Stimulus Check

When it was first announced that every citizen of the United States would receive a stimulus check of $1200, people rejoiced at the idea that they would be able to give all of that money right back to their landlords and college loan payments.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 21, 2020
Friend From High School Wants to “Smoke Weed” With You
Friend From High School Wants to “Smoke Weed” With You

You try your best to avoid thinking about it. Staying home helps. However, when you open Instagram, it’s all you see. You’d think that a worldwide pandemic would put somewhat of a damper on this “holiday,” but weed smokers are an unstoppable force.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 20, 2020
Cheating Boyfriend Loves This Social Distancing Thing
Cheating Boyfriend Loves This Social Distancing Thing

If you have been following the rules of social distancing and you have a boyfriend, it’s an open relationship now. It’s just a fact.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 17, 2020
Mom Elated at the Opportunity to Vacuum While College Kid is Sleeping, Says She’s “Been Waiting Three Years for This”
Mom Elated at the Opportunity to Vacuum While College Kid is Sleeping, Says She’s “Been Waiting Three Years for This”

While many of us are quarantined at home with our families, there are a few bright spots: home-cooked meals, your mom doing your laundry, and more space than a dorm room.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 13, 2020
Finding Love in a Hopeless Place: The Pizza Parlor on Club Penguin
Finding Love in a Hopeless Place: The Pizza Parlor on Club Penguin

Despite the infamous death of the beloved game Club Penguin in March of 2017, the children’s paradise has been revived and is better than ever now that the only ones playing it are bored and horny college students.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 10, 2020
Is Masturbating Boring Now?
Is Masturbating Boring Now?

Yes.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 9, 2020
All Four Roommates Silently Plot Germ Warfare Against Each Other
All Four Roommates Silently Plot Germ Warfare Against Each Other

It’s been eerily quiet on the kitchen front this past week. Almost...too quiet.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 8, 2020
What Your Quarantine Binge-Watch Says About You
What Your Quarantine Binge-Watch Says About You

With everyone staying inside for the foreseeable future, there’s plenty of time to get into all the shows you were too busy studying or partying to watch.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 8, 2020
“No Pants Required!” and 7 Other Silver Linings to Online Class
“No Pants Required!” and 7 Other Silver Linings to Online Class

In the time of Corona, students must work extra hard to find the little things that make life worth living in the end.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 7, 2020
“Well Good Morning, Sleepyhead,” Says Dad at 10:30 A.M.
“Well Good Morning, Sleepyhead,” Says Dad at 10:30 A.M.

It’s crazy to think that we’re already four weeks into this quarantine. Sure, for the first two weeks you still saw your friends on a regular basis, likely spreading the disease at a violent rate.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 7, 2020
Your Most Annoying Friends Keep Reminiscing by Posting Drunk Videos All Over Their Timelines
Your Most Annoying Friends Keep Reminiscing by Posting Drunk Videos All Over Their Timelines

It’s dangerous on social media nowadays—one like and you’re trapped into another “until tomorrow” post chain.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 6, 2020
Nation’s Vibrators Ask for a Fucking Week Off
Nation’s Vibrators Ask for a Fucking Week Off

In the midst of unprecedented worldwide panic and suffering, the girlies have got one thing in mind: the fact that they haven’t received so much as a hug from any living, breathing human that is clearly not in their league.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 31, 2020
“Cool Parents” Try to Continue Freshman’s Dorm Experience
“Cool Parents” Try to Continue Freshman’s Dorm Experience

On this sunny, but dreary, day of March, Florida State freshman Garrett Jones is one of the many students who had to make the depressing trek down beauteous queen I-10 to their childhood home—indefinitely thanks to COVID-19.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 25, 2020
Girl Can’t Stop Staring at Herself in Zoom Chat
Girl Can’t Stop Staring at Herself in Zoom Chat

In this critical period of time, college professors (and TAs) are attempting to continue their teachings over the infamous Zoom chat.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 25, 2020
Quarantine Gives Ex Perfect Opportunity to Speak to You for First Time in a Year
Quarantine Gives Ex Perfect Opportunity to Speak to You for First Time in a Year

Now that most people are finally begrudgingly listening to the  CDC’s rules for staying home and not touching anyone but themselves (thank you New York City Health Department), people everywhere can expect exciting new check-ins from past lovers.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 23, 2020
Christian Roommate Has Dad to Thank for Endless Topic of Conversation
Christian Roommate Has Dad to Thank for Endless Topic of Conversation

It’s a beautiful Sunday morning to be waking up to the smell of fresh cinnamon rolls and echoes of prayer from the bedroom down the hall.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 11, 2020
No One Objects to You Taking the Group Picture
No One Objects to You Taking the Group Picture

You know it’s coming. The ultimate test of your worth to the new friends you made at the first honor society outing or the third-floor of your dorm’s night out on the town.

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The Eggplant FSUMarch 10, 2020
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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