People in Florida Be Wearing Jeans

Picture this: a sweltering hot 97-degree day in Tallahassee. The Weather Channel says it feels like 107 degrees, and the humidity is 80%. Going outside for even a few minutes leaves you drenched in sweat like you just sat in a sauna for an hour. You live in Collegetown, and you have a class over a mile away in the College of Medicine. What outfit are you wearing to class? Shorts? A tank top? Floridians choose something you might not expect.

“There is absolutely nothing on God’s green earth that will stop a Floridian from wearing jeans,” says professional denim scientist, Jeanne Pants. On any given day, people in Florida are dressed inappropriately for the weather and do not seem to care one bit. 

The Eggplant got an interview with FSU student Sandy Johnson while she was trekking up a hill on W Jefferson St in August, wearing a pair of low-rise boot-cut jeans. She initially said, “What if it gets chilly?” When asked if she was feeling warm, she grinned and responded in a demonic voice, “I have survived heat advisories that a mere mortal like yourself could never even comprehend. I condemn fools who wear jorts.”

It isn’t only native Floridians who inappropriately time their jeans-wearing. An anonymous FSU student told The Eggplant, “I don’t actually know why I’m wearing jeans. I’m from Montana. It just kinda felt right.” Their commitment to fashion or some higher denim power is commendable. 

Many temporary Florida vacationers find this phenomenon incredibly strange and confusing. The Eggplant has heard stories of them begging for answers. Why don’t they like shorts? There is no way that is comfortable! Will they ever stop wearing jeans? Unrelated, how do their feet not hurt from wearing flip-flops so much? These questions have been to no avail, and the mystery behind Floridians’ strange jeans-wearing habits has yet to be solved.