Loser Alert: Economics Major Explains Supply and Demand To Hit on Girls

On Florida State University’s campus, there is a building that lures in guys that use 3-in-1 body wash, have light-up keyboards, and have serious issues talking to girls: Bellamy. Between the history and economics majors, it’s like a subreddit come to life. Econ majors have an inflated sense of self-confidence because they think that they’re going to be the next Wolf of Wall Street instead of just another nerd. This leads them to be the most dangerous people on campus. 

“I was just talking to this girl and she was totally into me,” says economics major Thomas Gilmore, who is 5’4”, wears Sketchers, and smells heavily of Fritos. “I started with my classic ‘what’s your major’ pick up line and she totally went for it! Then I was all like ‘did you know economics is the glue that holds our society together?’ and of course she didn’t! Like now that I’ve taken principles of macroeconomics, I’m really more powerful than the President.  I’ve been at this bar for no more than 15 minutes and I’ve already impressed 3 girls with my basic knowledge of economics.”

We spoke to one of the girls Gilmore struck out with to get a better idea of what kind of a player he is. Jillian Matthews, member of Chi-O and aspiring Etsy shop owner, had a lot to say. “He was a straight up uggo. Also he acted like I was stupid, explaining that supply and demand are related and I’m like, dude, ‘I’m a senior in finance and I’ve interned at investment banks. Plus, I have a boyfriend in Pike and he can beat you up. Then he just walked away and called me a slut.” 

While Gilmore might not have had any luck on this night, he still plans on getting his bachelor’s from Florida State and then “working either at Google or the government.” He still has 3 years of schooling to find a girl that doesn’t know that the basic postulate of economics is that incentives matter and to realize he will never be able to grow a beard. We wish him luck in his scholarly and hottie-with-a-body pursuits.