5 Things I Learned About My Best Friend over Break Driving from Tallahassee to Disney
After spending countless nights drinking until 3 a.m. and days where we just sat in my dorm room talking smack about the guy down the hall from us, I thought that I knew everything there was to know about my friend. Yet, there's nothing more eye-opening than a several hour car ride without parent or RA supervision, responsibility or anyone else to act as a social buffer. While driving from Tallahassee to Disney, I learned a little bit too much about my good gal pal, and since I don't have a finsta, I need to share that information with you all here:
1.) Being a safe driver does NOT mean her car is safe to drive
I’ve been in one too many accidents to be considered a responsible driver, but I wasn’t the one to change my car's name to "Death Cab for Cutie" after it broke down in the middle of I-10. I thought it was terrifying enough to drive to Trader Joe’s knowing there was four company mandated product recalls on it, but that’s got nothing on an at attempt at I-4. Somehow the constantly flashing “check gauges” light didn't stop us from veering into the left lane at 90 miles per hour in order to make it the 11 o’clock showing of Animal Kingdom’s Festival of the Lion King.
2.) When someone asks for gas money, they actually expect you to pay it
I thought it was a joke when she told me to pay my chunk of the gas fare, especially considering the amount of Smirnoff I’ve donated to her random high-school friends out of the kindness of my heart. Yet, the first time we rolled up to a gas station, she hit me with a Venmo request that said "Don't forget about gas xoxo." I guess you can ascribe monetary value to everything, and friendship really doesn't exist under capitalism, after all.
3.) Their taste in music is questionable at best
Seriously, who even listens to Pirate Metal Bands? Apparently, it's an entire genre and not just exclusively produced for intense episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. When it was my friend’s turn to use the aux, all I heard were "Yo-Ho’s" and "Arrrgh's" overlaying violent heavy metal screaming. I thought it was like when you're 13 and you play a sex noise on the speaker to let everyone know you're the pinnacle of comedy, but I soon realized by the third song she was serious and this wasn’t just a one-time thing. I’ll never be able to look at her wearing headphones the same way.
4.) No matter how quiet things get, you’ll both break that silence when driving by cows just to say "A cow!"
It’s reasonable to say that I-75 is even more painfully boring and nap-worthy than an 8 a.m. Monday morning lecture. The only thing capable of breaking an uncomfortably long five-minute silence is the sight of a random pasture full of God’s creatures. Maybe it’s some hidden, animalistic instinct, but the sight of cows always pulled the exact same guttural, child-like scream from the both of us. We’d lull back into eventual silence - only to be awoken by the next pasture.
5.) They have to go to the bathroom more often than my 15 year old Pomeranian with a bladder infection
Our three and a half hour drive was dragged out to nearly five, given that rest stop privileges were abused beyond a shadow of a doubt. My friend is pretty small, but at this rate I think she’s only made of water. I can’t figure out how this is the same person who can sit through - albeit partly asleep - a two-hour biology lecture, yet can’t spend five minutes on the highway without having to pull off at the next nearest gas station. On the bright side, I learned that while gas station boiled peanuts have no business tasting that good, they do anyway.