Orientation Group That’s Always There For You Reported to Have Forgotten You

Freshman Laura Gallagher was recently #shook when she ran into old members of her orientation group in the line at Chick-fil-A. She debated running away, but after realizing they already knew too much about her when she cried during a story-time bonding activity about a member’s dog dying, she had no choice but to face reality. Plus, maybe they would want to talk about how their first weeks were going. However, despite her unparalleled bravery in the face of adversity, Gallagher discovered that none of Lydia’s Leaping Lemurs seemed to have any idea who she was.

“I just don’t understand,” said Gallagher, so mortified that she hopped out of line and chose to eat lunch at Rising Roll instead. “We played the picnic name game. And I brought lemons - fucking LEMONS! Laura Lemons...how could they forget?”  

“Is that girl okay?” asked one of the Lemurs, Ryan, who brought raspberries. “She looks really sad. Like, way sadder than the other people who choose Rising Roll over Chick-fil-A.”

“They all came here together? They formed an ACTUAL friendship?” Gasped Gallagher between sobs. “I came out of orientation with even more confusion about the layout of campus and a UTI from not being able to go to the bathroom during far too many informational speeches, but I thought at the very least I would be REMEMBERED.” Gallagher then went silent as she realized with horror that her fellow Lemurs probably had a hilarious group chat full of dank memes and college algebra study guides.


When seeing Laura’s neglect, Lydia the OL™ let out a disappointed sob in the middle of Chick-fil-A. “I knew I should have picked another name game! Wait, they have their own group chat?” she said as she scrolled through her phone to look for a chat that she realized she’s not in either. “I would totally join Laura for lunch at Rising Roll so she’s not alone, but if I want to infiltrate this group chat, I can’t be seen eating there.”