After so many semesters of street harassment and “hey come to my noise band’s show tonight ;)”s, FSU senior Tanya Garcia decided she’d had enough. Exhausted from her years of mentally repelling the male gaze of the student body, Garcia was extremely frustrated. Before she lost her mind and began tackling every man who whistled at her into a brick wall, Garcia remembered the suit of metal 15th century armor her mother had bought her for the medieval fair they attended two years ago. “Oh shit haha, tight,” remarked Garcia upon rediscovering the armor.
On her way to her senior seminar the next day, Tanya expected to be left alone as she clanged and clattered her gender neutral boots across campus. Unfortunately, Garcia was still wearing her pink Fjallraven Kanken backpack so she was catcalled by at least three men between Strozier and Bellamy. “Yo, Bone of Arc!” shouted one particularly clever demon, “I’ll sign over some of my lands to you in exchange for your service in combat!” Tanya clenched her iron fist and kept walking.
When she sat down in class, she heard whispers from the back of the room. “Can you believe she’s wearing that?” “Ugh, we get it. ‘House Lancaster must be torn asunder’ - get over yourself.” “Damn, how’d she fit all that in them greaves?” Tanya just wanted to discuss the novel they’d finished reading, but heard her peers’ comments through all of the small holes in her helmet, even over the sound of her own anxious breathing. After she caught even her teacher making thirsty eyes at her pauldrons, Garcia snapped and ran out of the classroom.
Instead of opening the door as she stormed out, Garcia slammed an iron mace through it and busted into the hall. “Crazy bitch,” said one boy in the hallway before Tanya dropkicked him into a vending machine. When she walked outside, she noticed a boy trying to take a photo of her. “That was when she hit my phone out of my hand with a mace. Yeah, a fucking mace. It was pretty hot,” the boy said, recounting the story to his fraternity’s Revenge Porn groupchat.