Vice President Kamala Harris Spotted at Clydes & Costello’s During Her Visit to Tallahassee

Vice President Kamala Harris visited our fair city of Tallahassee to give a speech this past Sunday to commemorate Roe v. Wade. However, even Washington D.C. knows what Tallahassee is all about because neither presidential business nor secret service could stop her from visiting one of the state capital’s favorite bars: Clyde’s & Costello's. VP Harris and her husband, First Gentleman Doug Emhoff, were spotted getting off a yellow school bus and waiting in line during Clyde's Mandatory Makeout Mondays. Sources state that while at the front of the line, Harris was asked for her ID, and was even asked to confirm her zip code. When an undercover and completely sober member of The Eggplant asked what she thought about the future of Roe v. Wade, Kamala Harris let out a hearty cackle and exclaimed, “I just love good news!” The bouncer was then fired and the secret service took over from there, but the Vice President insisted that drinks were on her. 

Those who were fortunate enough to be clubbing alongside the Vice President claimed that she was ‘a blast’ to go out with. According to an inside source, while at Clyde’s, Harris would put her phone up in the air with her Snapchat text stating, “Any Poli-sci majors?” Additionally, the Vice President made numerous song requests to the DJ, including ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ and ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ and her laugh was heard from all corners of the dance floor. There are also reports of her attempting (and succeeding!) to start a conga line. 

Upon leaving on the Night Nole, The Eggplant tried to get VP Harris to comment on the 2024 presidential election, but just received a round of uncontrollable laughter and a fist in the face from a secret service agent in return. Sources state that she visited Guthrie’s following her visit to Clyde’s, and ordered a classic: The box; reports have been made that they still made her pay for extra sauce though…#CancelGutheries? We’ll see what Cane(s) has to say about it. 

Despite Tallahassee being made up of 50% rude ass students, 25% men, 10% furries (not the nice kind), 15% overpriced coffee chops, 9% sorority houses that all look the same, and 25% hillbillies (there is some overlap, but who's counting?) Tallahassee's main attractions (the bars) were able to win the approval of the Vice President! VP Harris has even made plans to build a Clyde’s & Costello's in D.C., and she's set to visit Tallahassee again next week along with President Biden to experience ‘Throwback Tuesdays’ at Potbelly’s.