FSU Student Refuses Public Transport, Gets Hit by Car
At approximately 9 a.m. on Thursday, January 16th, FSU student and now-retired pedestrian Deff Knotmee was hit by what seemed to be an off-color replica of the Saul Goodman-mobile at the intersection of Gordo’s Authentic Cuban Cuisine and a Sunoco franchise. Spectators at the red light stalled when it turned green to roll down their windows and make sure Knotmee heard their empathetic gasps. But why did this happen? And who was the commandeering car-crashing culprit? Sadly, the world will never know.
Deff Knotmee will be graduating from Florida State this Spring. He had just one last semester to get through without injury, and that was his last day on the force, too. His car broke down on I-10 Monday the 13th, leaving him with no choice but to trek down West Pensacola Street to campus. If his white Chevy Trax, named Privilege, were operational at the time, Knotmee would still be around today without the memory of being hit by a car. Knotmee describes the experience:
“The little walking guy light turned on, so I started walking 'cause that’s kind of what that light means. So I look to my left, and there’s this car doing a left turn right at me, and, forgetting we’re in Tallahassee for a second, I thought to myself, ‘Well, certainly, he’s going to stop.’ But then he didn’t. And I got hit by a car.”
However, Florida’s freakishly cold January weather might have saved Knotmee’s life; a twig who lives off bananas and peanut butter sandwiches, he was bundled up in four layers on the day of the body-on-car collision. He did, however, only wear one pair of pants, owing to the fact that he hadn’t yet received brain damage. He ended up at the FSU Wellness Center and was diagnosed with visible bruises on his legs and upper booty. “The lady just kinda looked at me and asked if I was alright,” says Knotmee, enjoying his snow week, unable to leave his room or get groceries because he got hit by a car.
The FSU Police Department found Knotmee waiting in their lobby at around 11:15 a.m. He explained the situation and was able to talk to Officer Rodriguez. According to Rodriguez, “The student relayed the event in which the vehicle slammed into his brittle body. Unfortunately, the student did not get any identification aside from a phone number that has not been picking up calls. So, we can’t really do anything.” Knotmee confided in The Eggplant that he genuinely did not know the necessary order of operations after being hit by a car. He admits, “I guess I sort of thought that getting to a hospital was more time-sensitive than pressing charges, but apparently it's the other way around. So if you guys get into an accident, even if you’re bleeding out, make sure you call the cops and wait for them to figure things out before you take any step towards making sure you are physically able to live.”
Knotmee is currently writing a novella based on this traumatic experience, Tumble, Tumble, WHEE!: Thee Knotmee Storee. It begins with an autobiographical quote, the last thing the driver said to him after the incident: “I hope you have a better day.”