BREAKING: Local Campus Celebrity and Goat, S’mores, Found Dead in Miami

Tragedy struck the FSU community when it was discovered that the FSU goat, S’mores, was found dead in Miami last night. This past weekend, S’mores was in Miami to perform a DJ set at Club Space, which is right next to Club Aqua. It was during the middle of “Tití Me Preguntó” when screams echoed throughout the club as S’mores was struck. 

Local police have named the University of Miami’s own animal celebrity, Coco the komodo dragon, as the primary suspect. An autopsy report shows evidence of both 9mm bullet wounds and claw marks on the baby goat’s body. A $10,000 dollar reward has been put towards its capture. 

A memorial service is scheduled to be held at Doak Campbell Stadium this afternoon. A children's choir and multiple anthropomorphic farm animals are expected to perform.