Local Man Makes Poor Choice of T-shirt for DUI Manslaughter Hearing

TALLAHASSEE, FL- Silence fell upon the courtroom Monday as Ned Smith, 48, entered the courtroom facing charges of DUI Manslaughter, wearing a shirt that read ‘I Paused My Game to Be Here’. He promptly apologized to the courtroom, sensing a palpable discomfort with his choice of outfit. “I didn’t have time for laundry this week,” he blurted out oafishly. Security footage shows Smith piledriving his car into a local coffee shop last Thursday, then stumbling out of the driver's side of the vehicle in a drunken stupor. Though the evidence was already stacked against him, his wardrobe malfunction likely won’t assist him in court. Sources have told The Eggplant that Smith plans to wear a t-shirt reading ‘Momma’s Least Guilty Boy’ to later hearings, in order to help his case.