Tallahassee Revealed as Setting Inspiration for New Game ”Grand Theft Auto VI”

Brand new leaks from Rockstar Games ahead of their new hotly anticipated release of “GTA VI” have revealed the real-life city that the game’s world will be taking inspiration from. “GTA V” saw the city of angels transformed into the fictional “Los Santos” way back in 2013. Now, in 2023, the first trailer for “GTA VI” dropped, and after some speculation that the new game may take place in the Sunshine State, the game’s exact location has been pinpointed: Tallahassee!

“Asquerosa,” which translates to “disgusting” in English, is directly based on Florida's state capital, which serves as the primary inspiration for the game’s setting. The game will follow a college dropout named Queen on his quest to become king of the Tallahassee mafia. Other playable characters include a nightclub manager (Recess), a Waffle House worker, and Mrs. Killings. The game’s research assistant, Jarod Guanting, told the Press Conference goers at Gordo’s, “Tallahassee is such a rich, diverse environment to base a game off of. I landed in Tallahassee and on my way to my hotel I saw a guy defecating in a trash can by the road. ‘This is it,’ I said. I knew it was meant to be.” When asked about the game, Jarod said, “You know my favorite thing about this alcohol-dependent college town is that it feels like a game. It’s already so much like a simulation, it wasn’t hard to transfer that feeling into a ga- '' Jarod spat his food out on the ground before he could finish. There was a bone in his Cuban sandwich.

Some of Tallahassee’s most famed landmarks will make appearances in the game as well, to keep the authenticity of the entire city. “The Dick and Ball-like capital building was a big point of erection”, said game developer Randy Morehouse, “I mean contention.” Rumor has it there will be a side quest where you can enter the capital and kill politicians, how fun! Other Tallahassee staples used as inspiration will include The Strip, which will be an actual strip club in the game, Midtown Caboose as the best restaurant in Asquerosa, and Ron DeSantis’ house as a massive sex toy shop. One location that didn’t make the cut was the famed Cuban restaurant Gordo’s. “It sucks,” said Randy. 

The rest of the world can barely hold in their excitement about “GTA VI”, but Tallahassee locals (and college students who say they ‘live’ in Tallahassee) are not so thrilled. “I’m sticking to Fortnite,” an anonymous roommate that plays Fortnite 24/7 said. “Now that’s an idea: Fortnite, but in Tallahassee…” he then looked off into the distance pondering. When asked about Gordo’s being excluded from the new Grand Theft Auto game, he said “That place sucks, Fortnite is awesome though.” Yes, he actually said that.

Why does everyone hate Gordo’s so much? We might never know, or maybe we really do but we just pretend that we don’t.