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The Eggplant
Donald Trump “Really Going to Miss” Daily Oval Office Seances With Mussolini, Robert E. Lee
Donald Trump “Really Going to Miss” Daily Oval Office Seances With Mussolini, Robert E. Lee

The mid-season finale of 2020 just aired, and what a wild ending it was.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 10, 2020
Your Uncle Who Makes Minimum Wage Wants You To Know Why He’s Scared of Biden’s Tax Plan
Your Uncle Who Makes Minimum Wage Wants You To Know Why He’s Scared of Biden’s Tax Plan

There has been a lot of commotion and division over the specifics of Joe Biden’s plans once he takes office as the 46th President of The United States.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 9, 2020
No-Shave November Opening Doors for Girls With Werewolf Syndrome
No-Shave November Opening Doors for Girls With Werewolf Syndrome

Holiday season brings many rituals and rites that give opportunity for those celebrators hiding in plain sight.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 4, 2020
Man "Picking Your Brain" About The Electoral College Actually Just Trying To Have Sex With You
Man "Picking Your Brain" About The Electoral College Actually Just Trying To Have Sex With You

Well, if absolutely nothing else, we’ve made it.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 3, 2020
Revealed: Sorority Girl Who Posted Black Square on Instagram in June Never Registered To Vote
Revealed: Sorority Girl Who Posted Black Square on Instagram in June Never Registered To Vote

It was June 2nd, 2020; the day when everyone online came together for a single purpose to spread awareness about ongoing injustice and national civil unrest.

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The Eggplant FSUNovember 2, 2020
Only Valid Halloween Costume of 2020 is Sexy Voting Ballot
Only Valid Halloween Costume of 2020 is Sexy Voting Ballot

The spookiest day of this endlessly spooky year has finally arrived and there couldn’t be a greater distraction from every societal horror that we’ve all been forced to endure.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 30, 2020
Mommy Blogger at Apple Orchard Wants You to Know Why She’s Anti Vaxx and Anti Mask
Mommy Blogger at Apple Orchard Wants You to Know Why She’s Anti Vaxx and Anti Mask

It’s no secret that people are tired of wearing masks and keeping six feet of distance between everyone and their mother.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 28, 2020
Devil's Advocate Excited for More Face-to-Face Classes
Devil's Advocate Excited for More Face-to-Face Classes

With the positive COVID rates at Florida State steadily increasing, administration has still decided that the spring 2021 semester will feature more in-person classes.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 20, 2020
Guy Who Keeps Revving Car Engine Wants to Make Sure You Know His Schlong is Massive
Guy Who Keeps Revving Car Engine Wants to Make Sure You Know His Schlong is Massive

There’s nothing more defining of living in Tallahassee than the sweet sound of an engine getting revved so loudly and so frequently that hearing damage is being spread throughout the community faster than COVID-19.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 12, 2020
Guy With Office Quote in Bio Breaks Tinder Match Record
Guy With Office Quote in Bio Breaks Tinder Match Record

Almost all of us have tried our hand at the online dating world, and it’s certainly nothing to be embarrassed about!

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 8, 2020
Breaking: Claudia Conway in the Running for Biden’s Secretary of State
Breaking: Claudia Conway in the Running for Biden’s Secretary of State

After months of exposing scandals and tikking toks, now-infamous whistleblower and accomplished lipsyncher Claudia Conway is being considered for Joe Biden’s Secretary of State.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 7, 2020
Op-Ed: Who “Among Us” Still Knows Nothing About That Fucking Game?
Op-Ed: Who “Among Us” Still Knows Nothing About That Fucking Game?

Between the generally cosmic clusterfuck that has been 2020 and my acquired Pavolvian eye roll at the word “normalize” (I’m seeing a doctor about it), my relationship status with Twitter has become... complicated.

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The Eggplant FSUOctober 5, 2020
Critics Agree: RBG Cliff-Hanger Way Too Much for Season 1
Critics Agree: RBG Cliff-Hanger Way Too Much for Season 1

Welp, we’ve had murder hornets, a pandemic, gender reveal-induced fires, floods, alien life, and flying snakes, but none have shocked the nation like the death of centuries-old and beloved Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 23, 2020
Beating Club Goers With Clubs for Stonewall
Beating Club Goers With Clubs for Stonewall

We are in an international health crisis, the state has made it clear that they only protect the wealthy, white, and straight and Meredith is still going clubbing.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 4, 2020
Zoom Shares Plummet While Chin Spanx Stocks Soar
Zoom Shares Plummet While Chin Spanx Stocks Soar

At the very start of the apocalypse, Zoom stock was a very promising place to put your money.

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The Eggplant FSUSeptember 1, 2020
Weed Guy Now Offering Contactless Delivery
Weed Guy Now Offering Contactless Delivery

These days, the trick of the trade for any open business is to offer a service that doesn’t require a physical exchange between people.

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The Eggplant FSUMay 1, 2020
5 Tips for Finding That Perfect Summer Job While in Quarantine
5 Tips for Finding That Perfect Summer Job While in Quarantine

You hear it every day. This is a really confusing and unprecedented time. Sure, we have no idea when we’re ever going to be able to return to normalcy, and it is unclear if we ever will. One thing’s for sure: if this continues, you will eventually need to find a way to make money.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 28, 2020
Grocery Store Run Provides Proof Corona Has yet to Kill off Middle-Aged, White Male Entitlement
Grocery Store Run Provides Proof Corona Has yet to Kill off Middle-Aged, White Male Entitlement

Leaving one’s own personal hobbit hole for the first time in two weeks to pick up another pack of double-stuffed Oreos has become one of the most exhilarating pastimes of current COVID life.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 24, 2020
Girl Who Did Nothing All Day Still Can’t Find Time to Workout
Girl Who Did Nothing All Day Still Can’t Find Time to Workout

Alarm clocks have been put to rest as every person without something to wake up for snoozes through noon.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 17, 2020
5 Quarantine Activities That Aren’t Just Eating and Taking Nudes
5 Quarantine Activities That Aren’t Just Eating and Taking Nudes

The quar is hard. It feels like there’s nothing to do but eat every single thing in your pantry and get your roommates to take hot pics of you in bras.

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The Eggplant FSUApril 16, 2020
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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