As America slips into the frothy darkness that some call the beginning of a dystopian Cormac McCarthy novel, pollsters are working tirelessly to capture the public’s reaction to the nation’s demise.
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The White House is now scrambling to find an answer to a breaking New York Times report on newly obtained documents showing what appears to be the crayon-drawn prototype for a catapult designed to launch undocumented immigrants into Mexico.
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When Donald Trump issued an Executive Order placing a travel ban on several predominantly Muslim nations, the ACLU and justices across the nation put in hard hours to defend the liberties of citizens at home and abroad.
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Their efforts were in vain, however, as email boxes filled up this weekend with Trump’s sad(!) attempt to assess his popularity with the American people, asking “Do you like me? Check Y or N.”
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It appears the Trump administration is looking to deflect from the current Russian connection controversy by pushing its agenda forward in other areas.
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The presidential brood of Donald Trump employs many skills. While Trump is in office, people are running his empire of exploitative mini-golf casinos and logging into his endless game of Sid Meier’s Civilization V every day to make sure Persia doesn’t get more silk than him.
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Noting record-low approval ratings, the President’s increasing hesitation to actually do the work required to run the government and the President’s decreasing hesitation to use the most important global position of power to benefit himself, the White House has announced that a compromise deal is in the works.
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As February rolls in, New Year’s Resolutioners stop lying about their supposed love for cardio and return to their old lives, where delayed onset muscle soreness does not exist.
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They say actions speak louder than words! After a tweet from barely a year ago stating that a Muslim ban would be unconstitutional resurfaced from Pence’s personal account, Twitter users dragged the Queen of Contradiction for being a bigger hypocrite than his superior Donald Trump, who just last week signed an executive order to ban immigrants from several predominantly Muslim countries from entering the U.S.
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Surrounded by her crew of fifty people hired to do nothing except bolster her image as a trophy wife, relatable First Lady Melania Trump posed for Vanity Fair Mexico alongside a bowl of lavish jewels entangled like spaghetti in her fork.
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With just a few days before the Presidential inauguration, many performers are either refusing to play during the event or backing out of their commitments.
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Syllabus week came to a close on the notoriously unlucky Friday the 13th, giving students a scapegoat when confronted with the consequences of all the poor decisions they made all week, especially Friday night.
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Thirteen days ago, folks from all walks of life posted drunken selfies on Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook and, strangely enough, MySpace, with captions like “2017 is my year!” and “I will throw hands if 2017 doesn’t save us!” Not everyone, however, has this same level of enthusiasm.
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It’s that time of year again! While Santa evades child labor laws by calling his workers ‘elves’ and half of America seemingly ignores the fact that not everyone celebrates Christmas, White House staffers are working hard to make what may be the country’s final joyous holiday season special for the first family.
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It’s the holiday season again, a time when believers and nonbelievers find common ground in complaining about Christmas music on the radio and their burning desire to get the must-buy toys of the season!
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In the same voracious way I consume cheap beer and Publix cookies during finals week, Netflix has been chewing up beloved franchises and swallowing the nostalgia of terrified millennials.
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“Whose mans?!” That’s what many casual observers and foreign policy experts were screaming out this morning after President Barack Obama launched one last drone strike to the Waziristan region of Afghanistan so the people there would have something to remember him by.
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On Tuesday night, more than half of American voters were distraught by the results of the election when a misogynist, racist and generally hateful flesh sack of orange dye became the President elect.
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In 2009 when Barack Obama inherited the worst economic situation since the Great Depression, Republicans prophesied absolute chaos due the new president being either the spawn of Satan himself or the second worse thing they could imagine — an immigrant from Africa.
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In an equivalency almost as false as comparing Clinton’s email “scandal” to the literal shitpile of Trump’s hypermasculine posturing, bigotry and rape allegations, Local White Savior and Almighty Gatekeeper of Emotions, Mora Leelite, tweeted “don’t fite hate w/ hate” with a video of peaceful anti-Trump protesters opposing the life-ruining policy propositions and fascism that Trump stands for attached.
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