Drawing of My Dad and I Wins Oscar For Best Picture

In a surprise upset at last night’s 98th Academy Awards, a crayon drawing of my father and I holding hands won Best Picture. Members of the Academy’s voting body praised the picture for its emotional depth, unique visual style, and “clearly intentional” grammar issues.

“Once in a generation, a project comes along that really shakes things up,” said one voter, admiring the drawing on my refrigerator. “The composition is fearless. Using the corner of the page as a place for the sun? You just can’t write this stuff.”

Another Academy member referred to the work as “a return to practical effects,” noting that the grass was painstakingly rendered using individual green lines instead of CGI.

I regrettably could not attend this year’s ceremony due to a persistent tummy ache; however, Conan O’Brien delivered a heartfelt, thought-provoking speech in the picture’s honor. He also acknowledged this year’s biggest snubs, including “42-19” for Score and “BOOM!” for Sound.

Following the ceremony, I asked if winning Best Picture meant I could stay home from school tomorrow, which the Academy said was up to my dad. He said no.