Discord Losing Core Demographic as Empowered Pedophiles Switch to Email

In a leaked email to investors, Discord CEO, Humam Sakhnini admitted that the recent rise of empowered pedophiles communicating via email was causing “major damage” to their user base. “Competition has always been a part of Discord’s legacy. Hell, we were created to wipe Skype off the face of the planet,” wrote Sakhnini. “But the truth is, the recent Epstein stuff is eating us alive. How are we supposed to keep our core pedophilic demographic engaged when they can get away with just sending a simple email?”

While the long-term effects on Discord’s profitability are still too early to measure, analysts believe the communications platform will take a major hit in Q2. “Discord used to be a paradise for groomers. Like their own private island,” said Lauren Clifton, a securities analyst on Wall Street. “With all these pedos finding out their idol was able to communicate via email for years, it’s gonna be a rough adjustment for Discord while they figure out how to get them back.”