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Political Science Major Alienates Friends After Admitting House of Cards is Kinda Boring
Political Science Major Alienates Friends After Admitting House of Cards is Kinda Boring

After receiving zero messages in a normally active group text for nearly 48 hours, Political Science Major Maggie Jordan knew something must be up.

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All Posts, Featured, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUMarch 3, 2015
FSU ALERT: URGENT CRIME BULLETIN
FSU ALERT: URGENT CRIME BULLETIN

A message from FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITYCrime Bulletin – Prevention Tips Reinforcement

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, NewsThe Eggplant FSUMarch 2, 2015
What kind of dog should you get?
What kind of dog should you get?
All Posts, Featured, Latest Articles, QuizzesThe Eggplant FSUMarch 1, 2015
Student Almost Considers Caring About SGA Elections for a Second
Student Almost Considers Caring About SGA Elections for a Second

FSU Senior Paul Lewis woke up this morning to see his entire Instagram and Facebook flooded with logos of either the Vitality or Ignite Party. For a brief moment, Lewis considered doing some research on which party would best represent student interests and make the university a safer and more intellectually thriving place.

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, Latest Articles, NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 25, 2015
NFL Scouts Rave About How Well Jameis Winston’s Butt Jiggles in Spandex
NFL Scouts Rave About How Well Jameis Winston’s Butt Jiggles in Spandex

Former ‘Noles quarterback Jameis Winston turned a lot heads this weekend with a standout performance at the NFL Combine. Winston was near flawless on passing drills, but he mainly had scouts gawking over how great his ass looked in spandex.

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All Posts, Featured, Not Football, SportsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 23, 2015
Student Ruins Entire Class Dynamic By Sitting in Different Seat
Student Ruins Entire Class Dynamic By Sitting in Different Seat

Chaos struck Dodd Lecture Hall this afternoon as Sophomore David Kent made the executive decision to change his seat seven weeks into the semester of his World Religions class. This judgment call has so drastically impacted the class’ aura that it was immediately canceled for the rest of the semester.

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, Latest Articles, NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 18, 2015
Campus Preacher Fucking Slays
Campus Preacher Fucking Slays

This past Monday, the FSU campus was divinely blessed by the presence of traveling preacher Brother Jed, who spoke for nine hours on a variety of topics ranging from homosexuality to more about homosexuality. Brother Jed has been to hundreds of college campuses in his preaching career, but on Monday, in his humble opinion, he fucking killed it.

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, Latest Articles, NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 17, 2015
English Major Manages to Not Mention Studying Abroad for Entire Day
English Major Manages to Not Mention Studying Abroad for Entire Day

During the spring of 2014 English major Melissa Shultz studied abroad in London England, “but visited eleven countries, that’s right ELEVEN,” and hasn’t missed an opportunity to bring it up in every conversation since then.

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, News, UncategorizedThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 16, 2015
Club Downunder to Check IDs for Nostalgia Night, “Only Real 90’s Kids Allowed”
Club Downunder to Check IDs for Nostalgia Night, “Only Real 90’s Kids Allowed”

This Friday, Club Downunder will host Nostalgia Night, where students can come to enjoy everything that made up their 90’s childhood. No one is more pumped for this than first year student, Cassidy Holder, who's been busily riding her Razor scooter all around campus this week preparing for the event.

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FSU News, NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 12, 2015
Fucking Derek Asks Another Stupid Question During Class
Fucking Derek Asks Another Stupid Question During Class

A chorus of audible groans resonated throughout Fisher Lecture Hall this morning as self-proclaimed student extraordinaire, Derek, asked yet another ridiculous open-ended question during the middle of class.

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All Posts, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 11, 2015
Local Apartment Complex  Propaganda in Full Swing For Tour Season
Local Apartment Complex Propaganda in Full Swing For Tour Season

At the beginning of spring semester, thousands of students rush to sign a lease for next year’s apartment, just like they promised their parents they would do in December. While the search for an apartment with enough security to prevent break-ins but too little to prevent bong rips can be a struggle, it can also be exciting.

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Latest Articles, News, Tallahassee NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 10, 2015
FSU Basketball Team Honored Just to Lose in the Same Building as Duke Tonight
FSU Basketball Team Honored Just to Lose in the Same Building as Duke Tonight

The Florida State basketball team has had tonight’s nationally televised game against Duke circled on their calendar for months. The Seminoles have a history of upsetting highly ranked Duke teams, but tonight they have a totally different and more realistic goal in mind.

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All Posts, Featured, Latest Articles, SportsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 9, 2015
Freshman Roommates Agree “The Thrill is Gone”
Freshman Roommates Agree “The Thrill is Gone”

After over a semester of half-heartedly inviting each other to Suwannee and low key rolling their eyes at anything the other person said, freshman roommates Morgan Goldstein and Victoria Young agree that the honeymoon phase is over.

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All Posts, Featured, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 8, 2015
Tennessee St. McDonald’s Enacts $5 Cover Charge for Guaranteed Entertainment
Tennessee St. McDonald’s Enacts $5 Cover Charge for Guaranteed Entertainment

Every weekend, people gather by the hundreds to the infamous Tennessee St. McDonald’s to distract themselves from their disappointing lives by surrounding themselves with people living even shittier lives.

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All Posts, Featured, News, Tallahassee NewsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 5, 2015
Florida State Lands Monster 5-Star Defensive Tackle Recruit Drew Brownstein
Florida State Lands Monster 5-Star Defensive Tackle Recruit Drew Brownstein

This national signing day the Seminoles are once again bringing in top prospects, this time with 5 star DT Drew Brownstein, who is the cream of the crop in a recruiting class loaded with studs.

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All Posts, Featured, Football, Latest Articles, SportsThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 4, 2015
Student Kicked Off Quidditch Team After it’s Discovered He’s Only Seen the Movies
Student Kicked Off Quidditch Team After it’s Discovered He’s Only Seen the Movies

Junior Steven Bell has spent the last three years as captain and star seeker of FSU’s quidditch team. That, however, came to an abrupt end last evening when Bell let it slip during practice that he has never actually read any of the books but has instead only seen the movies.

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All Posts, Featured, Latest Articles, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 3, 2015
White Girl Honors Black History Month by Purchasing Forever 21’s Last Tupac Shirt
White Girl Honors Black History Month by Purchasing Forever 21’s Last Tupac Shirt

Every February, the United States observes Black History Month. With all of the racial tension in light of the Michael Brown and Eric Garner cases, many citizens are putting emphasis on the importance of this month, and are increasing their activism.

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All Posts, Featured, Latest Articles, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 2, 2015
Pretentious Fuck Wants Everyone to Know He Won’t Be Watching the Super Bowl
Pretentious Fuck Wants Everyone to Know He Won’t Be Watching the Super Bowl

As students everywhere are stocking their kitchens with Bud Light and Cheetos in preparation for tonight’s Super Bowl, junior Creative Writing major and pretentious fuck Simon Hartwick has plans of his own.

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All Posts, Featured, Latest Articles, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUFebruary 1, 2015
FSU Moves Free Speech Zone to Basement of Strozier Library
FSU Moves Free Speech Zone to Basement of Strozier Library

After enduring months of criticism by students and faculty, FSU administration have finally decided they’ve had enough. Starting next week, the free speech zone located outside the student union will be moved to the basement of Strozier Library available only between the hours of midnight and 3 am.

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All Posts, Featured, FSU News, Latest Articles, NewsThe Eggplant FSUJanuary 29, 2015
Quirky Friend Group Agrees - "We Should Make a Podcast!"
Quirky Friend Group Agrees - "We Should Make a Podcast!"

After sustaining almost continuous laughter for nearly five minutes straight while discussing their most recent sexual exploits, a local quirky friend group has decided that their interactions with one another are just too good to not share with the entire Internet.

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All Posts, Latest Articles, Student Experience, Student LifeThe Eggplant FSUJanuary 28, 2015
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  • The Eggplant FSU
    I haven’t showered since last year😭
    Apr 5, 2023, 8:42 AM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Investigation into where the fuck those red chairs on landis went
    Apr 2, 2023, 1:42 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    We are unbelievably upset by the accusations laid out in this totally real letter we received. We will continue to… https://t.co/rl1b2cYlY5
    Apr 1, 2023, 2:51 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    hey fools, happy april🤭
    Apr 1, 2023, 1:23 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    Damn, this class is keeping me late🤯🤯🤯 (it ends at 4:20)
    Mar 29, 2023, 4:19 PM
  • The Eggplant FSU
    If our song and mirrorball are gone, what do i have to look forward to for the tampa show, taylor???? (i don’t have tickets)
    Mar 29, 2023, 1:30 PM

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